Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

We should require young children aged from 5 to 10 to learn music and art in addition to math, science, history and language.

We should require young children aged from 5 to 10 to learn music and art in addition to math, science, history and language. yXL2J
It is widely accepted that music and art are the most beautiful language in the world. From my perspective, art assists to shape a mild characteristic, contributes to the development of brain and enriches children's lives. As a result, children should be encouraged to learn music and art. My arguments for this point are listed as follows. First of all, according to the scientific research, evidence is accumulating that music and art play decisive part in determining a person's character. In New York, about 100 children at the age of 5 volunteered to enter this research. Firstly scientists p. . .
It is
widely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that music and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
are the most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
language in the world. From my perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
assists to shape a mild characteristic, contributes to the development of brain and enriches children's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
As a result
, children should
be encouraged
to learn music and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
. My arguments for this point
are listed
as follows.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, according to the scientific research, evidence is accumulating that music and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
play decisive part in determining a person's character. In New York, about 100 children at the age of 5 volunteered to enter this research.
Firstly
scientists p.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay We should require young children aged from 5 to 10 to learn music and art in addition to math, science, history and language.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
101 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts
  • 5.5band
    Doing homework should be mandatory because it helps to retain knowledge students have learnt at school.
    The topic of homework has always been controversial and ambivalent. Therefore, there are various opinions and one of them is that home task should be obligatory because it is a crucial aspect of maintaining beneficial information which was obtained by students at school. Frankly speaking, I agree wi...
  • 6band
    D/A: The government should support artists rather than allow them to support themselves.
    Modern art rarely surprises us anymore. The idea that modern artists should be admired all over the world and even be supported by the government is mistaken. As far as I'm concerned, unlike the past, artist nowadays are fully capable of self-reliance. Besides, they make little contribution to the s...
  • 5.5band
    Traditional methods will be erradicated by new technology.
    There is no doubt that new technology has witnessed considerable progress during the last decade. While some people believe that these new methods will lead to the extinction of the traditional lifestyle, others take the view that both approaches can coexist. I tend to agree with the latter argument...
  • 6band
    that people would be happier if they had fewer possessions
    Money has never appealed to me. The reason why so many people lost themselves in seeking after personal fame and gains is beyond me. In my perspective, people can save so much misery if they can do without the few pleasures that money brings them. The main reason for my propensity is that little po...
  • 6band
    that school should finance social activities rather than students' diets.
    It is general truth that students' education does not only consist of learning academic subjects, it is also important for students to develop social skills. However, in spite of this indisputable fact, I still insist on my own opinion that students' healthy diets lies before the social activities a...
  • 6band
    Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does.
    Jobs have never appealed to me. Born in a common family, I always regard job as something that I have to do in order to make a living. The reason why people regard the job as the source of happiness is beyond me. From my perspective, job only serves as a tool for us to earn enough money to survive. ...





Get more results for topic:
  • We should require young children aged from 5 to 10 to learn music and art in addition to math, science, history and language.