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in opinion two-part question essay

in opinion two-part question essay BJ1V6
In today’s globalized era where new technologies are done for peoples necessities, plenty of humans migrate to the world’s modernized countries by various purposes such as working or educating at school, college, universities like Australia, the USA, the UK. In the following paragraphs, I am going to show the reasons of people’s migrations to the English spoken societies. From my point of view, inhabitants are moving to developed countries to study, while the government believes that people educating abroad are equal with high ranks. Furthermore, the chances of abroad entrants increase. Nowadays, a lot of people are selecting to explore English. Because, spoken language is turning into the world’s leading foreign language. On the other hand, the requirements are risen for abroad languages. English is considered language that is accepted all around the world. In the result of this situation, half point of whole population of the Earth start to speak in English. For instance. 80 percentage of messages is given in English on the internet. Thus, numerous people are having to explicate English. People who know English acquire information in a great extent about traditions and customs. As, person finds out customs while they are searching in English. Although, the range of it is wide. In a consequence of it, people that are gaining knowledge, benefit from it directly. For example, they earn chance to work as guides for tourists in centers. To sum up, entire mankind is selecting to migrate to develop societies and to get well-paid jobs by researching English. In conclusion, all people will connect with each others in English, after several years.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s globalized era where new technologies
are done
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
necessities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of humans migrate to the world’s modernized countries by various purposes such as working or educating at school, college, universities like Australia, the USA, the UK. In the following paragraphs, I am going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the reasons of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
migrations to the English spoken societies. From my point of view, inhabitants are moving to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
to study, while the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
believes that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
educating abroad are equal with high ranks.
Furthermore
, the chances of abroad entrants increase.

Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are selecting to explore English.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
, spoken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is turning into the world’s leading foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
On the other hand
, the requirements
are risen
for abroad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
. English
is considered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
all around the world. In the result of this situation, half point of whole population of the Earth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to speak in English.
For instance
. 80 percentage of messages is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in English on the internet.
Thus
, numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are having to explicate English.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who know English acquire information in a great extent about traditions and customs.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
, person finds out customs while they are searching in English.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, the range of it is wide. In a consequence of it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that are gaining knowledge, benefit from it
directly
.
For example
, they earn chance to work as guides for tourists in centers.

To sum up, entire mankind is selecting to migrate to develop societies and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
well-paid jobs by researching English.
In conclusion
, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will connect with each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "other"?
others
in English, after several years.
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IELTS essay in opinion two-part question essay

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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