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video games are bad for kids

video games are bad for kids pR3Pm
To begin with this theme, I have to say that I've been playing video games all my life since I was a little kid. For that reason I think my opinion on this topic could be useful for the parents that are worried about their children playing video games at a young age. To start and make it clear, I don't think video games have a negative impact on children, what's more I think they can be a big ally in the way our children can improve on their learning. However this can be useful only if the parents have a control on what games their children play such as learning games as well as family games and how much time their children dedicate to the game. Moreover I think parents should choose the games their kids play till they have a more mature age to choose the games by themselves and put rules to follow, for example the limit time the are playing. In addition video games could be also a good opportunity for the parents to pass more time with their kids like choose video games that can play together. To conclude my opinion is that games can be really beneficial as long as the parents are with them to guide and control them.
To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with this theme, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
say that I've been playing
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video
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games
all my life since I was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
kid. For that reason I
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think
my opinion on this topic could be useful for the
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parents
that
are worried
about their
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children
playing
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video
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games
at a young age.

To
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start
and
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make
it
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clear
, I don't
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think
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video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
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children
, what's more I
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think
they can be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
ally in the way our
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children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
on their learning.

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However
this can be useful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if the
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parents
have a control on what
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games
their
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children
play such as learning
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games
as well
as family
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games
and how much time their
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children
dedicate to the game.

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Moreover
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
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parents
should choose the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
their kids play till they have a more mature age to choose the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
by themselves and put
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
to follow,
for example
the limit time
Did you mean "they are" or "there are"?
the are
playing.

In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
could be
also
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunity for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to pass more time with their kids like choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
that can play together.

To conclude
my opinion is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can be
really
beneficial as long as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are with them to guide and control them.
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IELTS essay video games are bad for kids

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
216 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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