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In my parts of the world, children and teenagers are spending more and more of their time indoors. What do you think are the causes of this problem? What measures could best be taken to solve it?

In my parts of the world, children and teenagers are spending more and more of their time indoors. What do you think are the causes of this problem? What measures could best be taken to solve it? eoVJ
Nowadays, children and teenagers arevrequiring to care much more from their parents. Also, some children and teenagers lose their time in the room. Although, the availability of several reasons which provoked this problem is irrefutable a couple of effective solutions can be suggested in order to tackle the issue. On the one hand, a great deal of young people stay alone in their room. We are witnessing today could be caused by a number of reasons. Initially, they are very shy and they do not want to communicate with others. So, they prefer to dwell their hause. Another important factor which conributes to proning to internet networks that they like using smartphone much more. Without any doubt, above mentioned causes are not the sole ones. But in terms of significance they overshadow other factors. On the other hand, what is need to improve the situation is the definite action parents should take their childs to the playground and tell their children to play more with others. As a result, embarrassment of youngests remove and they do not prefer to dwell indoor. Another obvious solution that parents should need to control regularly their children that they ban various kind of gadjets. And children and teenagers should go different courses or sport clubs. Consequently, children's life are useful that they do not waste their time on unnecessary things. Of course, there can be other solutions as well, but for me there are not as effective as the nuntioned ones. In conclusion, it is much more efficient to deal with couses rather than effects since the prevention is better than cure
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
Possible spelling mistake found.
arevrequiring
to care much more from their parents.
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
lose their time in the room.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, the availability of several reasons which provoked this problem is irrefutable a couple of effective solutions can
be suggested
in order to tackle the issue.

On the one hand, a great deal of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
stay alone in their room. We are witnessing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
could
be caused
by a number of reasons.
Initially
, they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
shy and
they do not want to communicate with others.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they prefer to dwell their
Possible spelling mistake found.
hause
. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor which
Possible spelling mistake found.
conributes
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
proning
to internet networks that they like using smartphone much more. Without any doubt, above mentioned causes are not the sole ones.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in terms of significance they overshadow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, what
is need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the situation is the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
definite
action parents should take their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "children", the plural form of the noun 'child'?
childs
to the playground and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to play more with others.
As a result
, embarrassment of
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngests
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
remove and
they do not prefer to dwell indoor. Another obvious solution that parents should need to control
regularly
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that they ban various kind of
Possible spelling mistake found.
gadjets
. And
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
should go
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
courses or sport clubs.
Consequently
, children's life are useful that they do not waste their time on unnecessary things.
Of course
, there can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
solutions
as well
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for me there are not as effective as the
Possible spelling mistake found.
nuntioned
ones.

In conclusion
, it is much more efficient to deal with
Possible spelling mistake found.
couses
rather
than effects since the prevention is better than cure
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IELTS essay In my parts of the world, children and teenagers are spending more and more of their time indoors. What do you think are the causes of this problem? What measures could best be taken to solve it?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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