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More and more people claim that modern work patterns are a source of stress. What do you think of this? Can you suggest some possible solutions?

More and more people claim that modern work patterns are a source of stress. What do you think of this? Can you suggest some possible solutions? Dj5a
Considerable amount of people pretends that methods of modern style working causes to stress. This essay explains many problems which causes to stress and I will give solutions to the issues which have arisen. Firstly, the non-stop schedule and extended working hours at work gives fatigue to the employees which is the main problem to get mental and physical stress at work. For example, if people spend more time at work, plus get stress, they would not take the time with family members. The obvious answer to the reason is, employers should reduce the time limit and they should encourage workers to relax. Consequently, it improves the efficiency and production. Secondly, the most obvious cause of stress in the workplace is a high workload which may lead to many physiological problems in employees during work. I think the most obvious solution is technical equipment. Employer should provide each employee with their own computers. By doing this work duration would speed up and it would be easier for workers to work in addition, by using this technical stuffs in the workplace, it would not be required much efforts. In conclusion, I would say that stress in the workplace does not only depend on time management, workload and any other problem. On the other hand, problems with stress relate to the person. In my opinion, if person goes to work with good mood and don’t get down it during the work, it would be all good.
Considerable amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
pretends that methods of modern style working causes to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
which causes to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
and I will give solutions to the issues which have arisen.

Firstly
, the non-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
schedule and extended working hours at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
gives fatigue to the employees which is the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
mental and physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
For example
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, plus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
, they would not take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with family members. The obvious answer to the reason is, employers should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
limit and
they should encourage workers to relax.
Consequently
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the efficiency and production.

Secondly
, the most obvious cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
in the workplace is a high workload which may lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
physiological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in employees during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the most obvious solution is technical equipment. Employer should provide each employee with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
computers. By doing this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
duration would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
speed up
and it would be easier for workers to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in addition
, by using this technical stuffs in the workplace, it would not
be required
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
efforts.

In conclusion
, I would say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
in the workplace does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
depend on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
management, workload and any other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
relate to the person. In my opinion, if person goes to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
mood and don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
down it during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, it would be all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
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IELTS essay More and more people claim that modern work patterns are a source of stress. What do you think of this? Can you suggest some possible solutions?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
244 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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