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In most parts of the world people are living longer. Is this a negative or positive development?

In most parts of the world people are living longer. Is this a negative or positive development? NW3w0
Nowadays, an increasing number of people are concerned about the topic of people's lifespan. Whether the phenomenon that life span of people has increased significantly leaves advantages or detrimental impacts has drawn much attention from the public. In my opinion, this could be seen as a negative problem. To begin with, two benefits that can be mentioned are family life and labor resources. Firstly, from an individual level, longer life allows old people/ senior citizens to help old people can spend more time with their family. For example, in some extended families, old people have the responsibilities to look after their grandchildren after retirement. This means that they will be more attached to their family. Secondly, some people continue to word even when they are allowed to retire, which has contributed greatly to the economics of businesses. Some employers prefer to hire older people than younger employees because most older employees are willing to take lower wages to get the jobs they want. However, the positive effects given above can be considered from the opposite angle. Indeed, most of the elderly suffer from diseases such as heart disease or bone problems, they are unable to support their families financially or even with small household chores. This will be a big obstacle for families with financial difficulties. For society, the aging of the population can cause a shortage of labor resources that require young people such as information technology or services. In conclusion, although it has become more popular with increasing life expectancy over the world, it has brought about too many problems for this to be considered a positive trend.
Nowadays, an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are concerned
about the topic of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's lifespan. Whether the phenomenon that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
span of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has increased
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
advantages or detrimental impacts has drawn much attention from the public. In my opinion, this could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
problem.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, two benefits that can
be mentioned
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and labor resources.
Firstly
, from an individual level, longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
/ senior citizens to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can spend more time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
For example
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the responsibilities to look after their grandchildren after retirement. This means that they will be more attached to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
continue to word even when they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to retire, which has contributed
greatly
to the economics of businesses.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
employers prefer to hire older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
than younger employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Use only "older" (without 'most') when you use the comparative.
most older
employees are willing to take lower wages to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the jobs they want.

However
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
above can
be considered
from the opposite angle.
Indeed
, most of the elderly suffer from diseases such as heart disease or bone problems, they are unable to support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
financially
or even with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
household chores. This will be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
obstacle for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
with financial difficulties. For society, the aging of the population can cause a shortage of labor resources that require young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such as information technology or services.

In conclusion
, although it has become more popular with increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy over the world, it has brought about too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems for this to
be considered
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend.
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IELTS essay In most parts of the world people are living longer. Is this a negative or positive development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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