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Should governments fund free healthcare through taxes or should citizens pay themselves with private health insurance?

Should governments fund free healthcare through taxes or should citizens pay themselves with private health insurance? BWL7V
Health is the most important thing and everyone in this earth want a healthy life. There are two type of health insurance they are governments fund fees health care through taxes and private health insurance which is pay by citizens. In my point of views, I think government fund fee healthcare is the best option for every citizen. Firstly, government fund fee healthcare can minimize the gap between poor and rich. For example, Vietnam government implements insurance system that can help everyone in here have a free regular check every month with no cost due to their taxes they pay every year. If people choose private healthcare, they need to pay a mount of money for this and not everyone can do this. Secondly, due to the free cost of government, many private healthcare can decrease their cost which mean it will be easier for people to approach. If there is only private health, the bill will get higher and higher. Moreover, in the bad way if there were an accident or critical damage, patient need to spend a large of mount money. Finally, the more people choose government the more standard, environment of hospital and equipment can improve. In addition, people live in good quality of medical facilities can help enhance the quality of lifestyle as well as increase quality of society To sum up everything that I have started before, government fund fee is better than private healthcare. In my opinion, it depends on each country and the demand of people, however, the best choice still government fund fee because it helpful and easy for people to access it
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Health
is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing and everyone in this earth want a healthy life. There are two type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
insurance they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fund
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care through taxes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
insurance which is pay by citizens. In my point of views, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fund
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
healthcare is the best option for every citizen.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fund
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
healthcare can minimize the gap between poor and rich.
For example
, Vietnam
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
implements insurance system that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
everyone in here have a free regular
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check
every month with no cost due to their taxes they pay every year. If
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people
choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
healthcare, they need to pay a mount of money for this and not everyone can do this.

Secondly
, due to the free cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
healthcare can decrease their cost which mean it will be easier for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to approach. If there is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, the bill will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher and higher.
Moreover
, in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
way if there were an accident or critical damage, patient need to spend a large of mount money.

Finally
, the more
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people
choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
the more standard, environment of hospital and equipment can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
.
In addition
,
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality of medical facilities can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
enhance the quality of lifestyle
as well
as increase quality of society

To sum up everything that I have
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started
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fund
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
is better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
healthcare. In my opinion, it depends on each country and the demand of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
however
, the best choice
still
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government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fund
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
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it
helpful and easy for
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people
to access
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
it
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IELTS essay Should governments fund free healthcare through taxes or should citizens pay themselves with private health insurance?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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