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In most countries, prison is an effective solution to the problem of crime. Some people think it is a more effective solution to provide education for those who violate the law. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

In most countries, prison is an effective solution to the problem of crime. Some people think it is a more effective solution to provide education for those who violate the law. v. 1
How to handle criminals is a problem that all countries and societies face. Traditionally, the approach has been to punish them placing them in prisons to pay for what they have done. Some, however, advocate trying to make them better with schooling and it seems may have a good point. First of all, consider all the money that we have to spend to lock people up in jail. It does not seem like a good use of public money if people do not actually get any better. Because most criminals are eventually let out of prison, our focus should be on transforming them into law-abiding citizens. In fact, the reason why many people end up in jail in the first place is that they did not have a good education or a happy family. Hence, if they can learn job skills, they perhaps can find work and feel they can contribute something to society in a positive way. If they do this, they will not need crime. Surely, everyone deserves a second chance. Of course, this does not mean that we should be too lenient on criminals. Those who commit crimes must still be punished, but during their punishment, they should also be treated. If we make an investment in them and show compassion, most will be able to make a new start. To summarize, we must make more of an effort to go to the root of the problem. We need to treat criminals as patients and give them the medicine they need: education and training. By giving people the skills for a second chance, we can make our society safe and healthier.
How to handle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
is a problem that all countries and societies face.
Traditionally
, the approach has been to punish them placing them in prisons to pay for what they have done.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
,
however
, advocate trying to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them better with schooling and it seems may have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
point.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, consider all the money that we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend to lock
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
up in jail. It does not seem like a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of public money if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any better.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
are
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
out of prison, our focus should be on transforming them into law-abiding citizens.

In fact, the reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up in jail in the
first
place is that they did not have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
education or a happy family.
Hence
, if they can learn job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, they perhaps can find work and feel they can contribute something to society in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way. If they do this, they will not need crime.
Surely
, everyone deserves a second chance.

Of course
, this does not mean that we should be too lenient on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
. Those who commit crimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
still
be punished
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
during their punishment, they should
also
be treated
.

If we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
an investment in them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
compassion, most will be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
.

To summarize
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
more of an effort to go to the root of the problem. We need to treat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
as patients and give them the medicine they need: education and training. By giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for a second chance, we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
our society safe and healthier.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In most countries, prison is an effective solution to the problem of crime. Some people think it is a more effective solution to provide education for those who violate the law. v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
274 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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