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In modern society, many people are choosing unhealthy slimming methods to look attractive. Do you agree with the modern people’s obsession with slimming methods to appear more beautiful? Explain with examples

In modern society, many people are choosing unhealthy slimming methods to look attractive. Do you agree with the modern people’s obsession with slimming methods to appear more beautiful? Explain with examples BlYDm
In real life, most of people are trying to enhance their self-image with different artificial ways. I totally disagree with statement that in order to look attractive people can use such ways which leads to health problems. The essay will discuss the disadvantages of these methods and offer some healthy options for this issue. On the one hand, many prefer to utilize different kinds of drugs to improve their images. They wish to reach to gorgeous appearance quickly than they expect. For example, it is fact that in Europe, celebrities are great way to advertise such methods to be thin. As a result, numerous youngsters are following their favourite artists to look like them. To increase their appearance, even they are having artificial pills which leads to the cancer of stomach. On the other hand, most are aware of disadvantages of those drugs that's why they try to find healthy methods to look gorgeous. They prefer to go on diet, go to the gym or fitness clubs which avoid health problems. America is a prime example, people suffer from obesity due to consuming junk food more. People in America take part in permanent fitness clubs or do diverse exercises to go down the amount of overweighting. Furthermore, it can increase their immun system and longevity as well. In conclusion, even though individuals want to achieve such beauty quickly, they suffer from other health illnesses. It is recommended that they should not utilize unhealthy ways which cause to serious problems. Instead of this, they should use natural ways to be gorgeous.
In real life, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are trying to enhance their self-image with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
artificial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
. I
totally
disagree with statement that in order to look attractive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
which leads to health problems. The essay will discuss the disadvantages of these methods and offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
healthy options for this issue.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
prefer to utilize
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of drugs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their images. They wish to reach to gorgeous appearance
Use "(quickly)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
quickly
than they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
.
For example
, it is fact that in Europe, celebrities are
Please check whether an article is missing: "a great".
great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
to advertise such methods to be thin.
As a result
, numerous youngsters are following their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
artists to look like them. To increase their appearance, even they are having artificial pills which leads to the cancer of stomach.

On the other hand
, most are aware of disadvantages of those drugs that's why they try to find healthy methods to look gorgeous. They prefer to go on diet, go to the gym or fitness clubs which avoid health problems. America is a prime example,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer from obesity due to consuming junk food more.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
in America
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in permanent fitness clubs or do diverse exercises to go down the amount of
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweighting
.
Furthermore
, it can increase their
Possible spelling mistake found.
immun
system and longevity
as well
.

In conclusion
,
even though
individuals want to achieve such beauty
quickly
, they suffer from other health illnesses. It
is recommended
that they should not utilize unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
which cause to serious problems.
Instead
of this, they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to be gorgeous.
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IELTS essay In modern society, many people are choosing unhealthy slimming methods to look attractive. Do you agree with the modern people’s obsession with slimming methods to appear more beautiful? Explain with examples

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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