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In many places, people’s lifestyles are changing rapidly, and this affects family relationships. Do you think the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages? v.8

In many places, people’s lifestyles are changing rapidly, and this affects family relationships. Do you think the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages? v. 8
In the present age, people have dramatically changed the way they live, which in turn affects their family relationships. Personally, I think this tendency comes with both positive and negative effects. On the one hand, changing lifestyles have brought about various positive impacts on family connections. Firstly, people are paying more attention to their well-being nowadays, and therefore family members tend to go to fitness centres together to lead healthier lifestyles. As a result, spending time working out together will help to bridge the generation gap and promote better communication between family members. For instance, when a child takes part in some forms of sport or physical activities with their parents, they will feel more open to share things and seek advice from them. Secondly, thanks to developments in technology, devices such as smartphones, tablets and laptop computers have not only become an indispensable part of our lives but have also helped to make communicating with our friends and families much easier, particularly among those who are separated by long distances. On the other hand, changes in lifestyles also have their downsides when it comes to family relationships. To begin with, the overuse of such technological devices mentioned above, can also hurt family relationships. For example, if family members become too immersed in using their devices for individual recreational purposes, like checking their social media accounts or browsing their favourite websites, they may neglect their relationships with other family members. Consequently, the amount of quality time that a family spends together is likely to reduce, negatively impacting family relations. Furthermore, these days, people are becoming more and more career-oriented and are subsequently losing the balance between work and family life. In fact, it has become more common that family members are less available at home, even outside of official working time, leading to weak family interactions. In conclusion, while some changes in lifestyle are advantageous to family relationships, the opposite is true for other changes.
In the present age,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
dramatically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, which in turn affects their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this tendency
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects.

On the one hand, changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
have brought about various
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
connections.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are paying more attention to their well-being nowadays, and
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
tend to go to fitness
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
together to lead healthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
.
As a result
, spending time working out together will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to bridge the generation gap and promote better communication between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
.
For instance
, when a child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
takes part
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
forms of sport or physical activities with their parents, they will feel more open to share things and seek advice from them.
Secondly
, thanks to developments in technology, devices such as smartphones, tablets and laptop computers have not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
become an indispensable part of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
have
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
communicating with our friends and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
much easier,
particularly
among those who
are separated
by long distances.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
also
have their downsides when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the overuse of such technological devices mentioned above, can
also
hurt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
.
For example
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
become too immersed in using their devices for individual recreational purposes, like checking their social media accounts or browsing their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
websites, they may neglect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
.
Consequently
, the amount of quality time that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
spends together is likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
,
negatively
impacting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
relations.
Furthermore
, these days,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are becoming more and more career-oriented and are
subsequently
losing the balance between work and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
life. In fact, it has become more common that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
are less available at home, even outside of official working time, leading to weak
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
interactions.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
are advantageous to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
, the opposite is true for other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In many places, people’s lifestyles are changing rapidly, and this affects family relationships. Do you think the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages? v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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