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In many places, new homes are needed, but only space available for building them is in the country side. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there. What your opinion about this with example? v.1

In many places, new homes are needed, but only space available for building them is in the country side. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there. What your opinion about this with example? v. 1
Although the demand for housing is increasing, there is no open space available for their construction except in the rural areas. However, some people argue that the places should be protected from these activity. I disagree with them. In my opinion, it is important to build homes on the outskirts of cities. First and foremost, cities have become over crowded due to urbanization and free space is only available in the side areas. More and more people are migrating to cities for a better future and hence the space available for construction has already been used. To meet this demand for land, people are turning to the countryside. Many customers also want to buy homes in the countryside because they are more affordable. Also, pollution is not really an issue in rural areas. Hence, people opting to live in the countryside can buy spacious homes built amidst natural greenery. In addition to this, if the construction is done in the areas away from the city we can reduce the negative effects of urbanization. Due to overcrowding in cities, people face not only traffic congestion but also pollution. For example, in a South Indian city, a 40% improvement in air quality was observed after they started building homes in the peripheral areas of the city instead of in the centre. Thus, to improve the quality of life in the urban area it is a better solution. In conclusion, as the population is continually moving to cities for better prospects, there is a simultaneous increase in the demand for shelters. Therefore, the countryside can be utilised for this purpose and to curb the effects of overcrowding in cities.
Although the demand for housing is increasing, there is no open space available for their construction except in the rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that the places should
be protected
from
Did you mean "this activity" or "these activities"?
these activity
. I disagree with them. In my opinion, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
on the outskirts of cities.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
have become over crowded due to urbanization and free space is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
available in the side
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. More and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are migrating to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
for a better future and
hence
the space available for construction has already been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
this demand for land,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are turning to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
customers
also
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are more affordable.
Also
, pollution is not
really
an issue in rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opting to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
spacious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
built amidst natural greenery.
In addition
to this, if the construction
is done
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
away from the city we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of urbanization. Due to overcrowding in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
face not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
traffic congestion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
pollution.
For example
, in a South Indian city, a 40% improvement in air quality
was observed
after they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
in the peripheral
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
of the city
instead
of in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
.
Thus
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality of life in the urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
it is a better solution.

In conclusion
, as the population is
continually
moving to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
for better prospects, there is a simultaneous increase in the demand for shelters.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
for this purpose and to curb the effects of overcrowding in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay In many places, new homes are needed, but only space available for building them is in the country side. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there. What your opinion about this with example? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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