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In many parts of the world today there is a profitable market for products which lighten or whiten people's skin

In many parts of the world today there is a profitable market for products which lighten or whiten people's skin 7JB3A
Nowadays, Peoplighten or whiten their skin using many skin products which is a profitable market in various areas of world. This rising trend could have dismal impacts on child skin. On the contrary, it can be beneficial for various traderswho sells the products. In today's world, Not only the womens, but also men's are using these products in order to avoid Social injustice that is discrimination. the reason behind this can be that most of the pupils pass their judgement on the basis of looks of other individuals and treat them accordingly to their colour. As a result, it become more difficult for people to survive in this environment where there is no respect for them so they use these products to clear their skin tone. For example, had my cousin who's skin tone was did not apply these products, it would have becom3 impossible for him to get his desirable job because of discrimination. However, products are easily available. this is because many traders choose this business to make good profit whereas, these skin careitems are available from big malls to small market markets. Consequently, onecan easily buy them. Skin products have detrimental effect on skin because some people use these products in a large amount in order to get result faster regardless ofreading instructions. Due to which they get several allergies from it. Another bad effect of this is on young children. they observe elders and try to be like themby using these products. Resultantly, they do great harm to their skin by using it. In conclusion, this essay has covered 2 areas: the causes of using skin products in order to enhance the look and they are easily available; and has bad effect on health
Nowadays,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Peoplighten
or whiten their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which is a profitable market in various areas of world. This rising trend could have dismal impacts on child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
.
On the contrary
, it can be beneficial for various
Possible spelling mistake found.
traderswho
sells the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
womens
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
's are using these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in order to avoid Social injustice
that is
discrimination.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
reason behind this can be that most of the pupils pass their judgement on the basis of looks of other individuals and treat them
accordingly
to their
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
.
As a result
, it
Did you mean "becomes"?
become
more difficult for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to survive in this environment where there is no respect for them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
tone.
For example
, had my cousin who's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
tone was
Consider using a past participle here: "done".
did
not apply these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, it would have becom3 impossible for him to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
his desirable job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of discrimination.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are
easily
available.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
traders choose this business to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
profit whereas, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
Possible spelling mistake found.
careitems
are available from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
malls to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
market markets.
Consequently
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
onecan
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Skin
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
have detrimental effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in a large amount in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
result faster regardless
Possible spelling mistake found.
ofreading
instructions. Due to which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
several allergies from it. Another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effect of this is on young children.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
observe elders and try to be like
Possible spelling mistake found.
themby
using these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
Resultantly
, they do great harm to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
by using it.
In conclusion
, this essay has covered 2 areas: the causes of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in order to enhance the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
look and
they are
easily
available; and has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effect on
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
health
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IELTS essay In many parts of the world today there is a profitable market for products which lighten or whiten people's skin

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
287 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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