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The use of electricity media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people.

The use of electricity media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people. D6dqm
Since 2000, electronic media has been playing a much greater role, involved in any kind of life. It has connected people around the world as one by the internet and social network system and flashes worldwide news over the wireless. Accordingly, I strongly disagree that electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships. Nowadays, we can make new friends with people who live in another country by the internet and any kinds of electronic communication such as mobile phones, personal computers, internet televisions and so on. For example, technological betterment improves the pattern of pen pal from print media into electronic media, thus, we can improve our language skill faster than in the past because we can interact with foreign friends immediately by email or chat applications instead of letters. Furthermore, we can join with someone who has a lot of favourites in common via streaming media like Twitch, live video from instagram and so forth. Another important reason is the occurrence of primate cities in the last 20 years which have affected the migration of workers from rural areas into big cities. Most people who have to stay away from their home tend to experience a high level of stress. Consequently, electronic communication like smart phones or text messages can help them to reduce their nervous strain, they can unburden themselves promptly with family members and friends that make them get over their sadness and get a message with each other wirelessly. In conclusion, all electronic media facilitate humankind, it has many advantages to enhance relationships between people. It can create new communities for people who satisfy something in common, besides, it maintains family relationships by communicating via technology like smartphones, and chat apps.
Since 2000,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has been playing a much greater role, involved in any kind of life. It has connected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world as one by the internet and social network system and flashes worldwide news over the wireless.
Accordingly
, I
strongly
disagree that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on personal relationships.

Nowadays, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new friends with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in another country by the internet and any kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
communication such as mobile phones, personal computers, internet televisions and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
For example
, technological betterment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the pattern of pen pal from print
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
,
thus
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
faster than in the past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we can interact with foreign friends immediately by email or chat applications
instead
of letters.
Furthermore
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
with someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourites' is British English.
favourites
in common via streaming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
like Twitch,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
video from
Possible spelling mistake found.
instagram
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason is the occurrence of primate cities in the last 20 years which have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the migration of workers from rural areas into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
stay away from their home tend to experience a high level of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
communication like smart phones or text messages can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their nervous strain, they can unburden themselves
promptly
with family members and friends that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
over their sadness and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a message with each other
wirelessly
.

In conclusion
, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
facilitate humankind, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages to enhance relationships between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It can create new communities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
satisfy something in common,
besides
, it maintains family relationships by communicating via technology like smartphones, and chat apps.
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IELTS essay The use of electricity media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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