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In many parts of the world, children of the past live differently than children from today. What do you think were the advantages and disadvantages of life for children in the past ?

In many parts of the world, children of the past live differently than children from today. What do you think were the advantages and disadvantages of life for children in the past? BlVQm
In many parts of the world, children of the past live differently than children of today. In the first paragraph, there are differences between them. In the two remaining paragraph, there are advantages and disadvantages I believe many of advantages are having lots of time. For spending much time at home, kids had time to explore, to experiment everything around, time to be a real kid – which means having time to play. They used their time to contact with nature, thus they have a love of nature and affinity for animals. They used their time to play with brothers and sisters, which would improve love between family members. They also had time to discover themself and everything around, so that they grew up independently and be more confident than kids nowadays. However, things have two sides, there are two main disavantages. Firstly, children in the past had less opportunities and tools to support them to see the world. There were no digital media to help them, they just discovered the other countries and their culture by books, with no vivid images, videos, etc. Secondly, because people in the past wasn’t as rich as it is now, so parents were not in a good position to support or pay for their kids to travel to the other places, to learn and to exposure. In conclusion, children’s life in the past helped them to have more time to explore things than now, but they couldn’t discover bigger things without digital media. Moreover, parent’s financial status is also a pretty big barrier in children’s learning.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
Use "(differently)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
differently
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. In the
first
paragraph, there are differences between them.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
the two remaining paragraph, there are advantages and disadvantages

I believe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of advantages are having lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. For spending much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to explore, to experiment everything around,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to be a real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
which means having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to play. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to contact with nature,
thus
they have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
of nature and affinity for animals. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to play with brothers and sisters, which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
between family members.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
They
also
had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to discover
The term is non-standard and not widely accepted.
themself
and everything around,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they grew up
independently
and be more confident than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
nowadays.

However
, things have two sides, there are two main
Possible spelling mistake found.
disavantages
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
had
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun opportunities is countable.
less
opportunities and tools to support them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the world. There were no digital media to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
discovered the other countries and their culture by books, with no vivid images, videos, etc.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
wasn’t as rich as it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
parents were not in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
position to support or pay for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to travel to the other places, to learn and to exposure.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
life in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
them to have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to explore things than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they couldn’t discover bigger things without digital media.
Moreover
, parent’s financial status is
also
a pretty
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
barrier in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
learning.
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IELTS essay In many parts of the world, children of the past live differently than children from today. What do you think were the advantages and disadvantages of life for children in the past?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
263 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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