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In many country, good schools and medical facilities are available only in cities. Some people think university graduates who become new teachers and doctors should work in rural areas for a few decades. What is your view? v.2

In many country, good schools and medical facilities are available only in cities. Some people think university graduates who become new teachers and doctors should work in rural areas for a few decades. What is your view? v. 2
It is sometimes argued that doctors and teachers fresh out of universities should be required to work in rural regions for several decades. While I admit that this scheme makes sense to some extent, I do believe that having such mandatory service could backfire. (没有be) I can understand why some people want newly-graduated doctors and teachers to work in the countryside. For people living in rural areas, if the government makes working in the countryside compulsory for new doctors and teachers, many of whom would otherwise work in large cities for a lucrative career, they would be on a position to access advanced medical care and education services provided by well-educated professionals. It therefore could be argued that this policy could serve the function of extending rural dwellers' life expectancy, fostering the next generation possessing expertise and knowledge, and therefore boosting local economic growth. For doctors and teachers who are fresh from universities, working in rural areas would provide them the opportunity of translating theoretical knowledge into practice and advancing practical skills, thus building up their confidence early on in their careers. Such chances are less available in the working world in urban areas where many experienced senior doctors and teachers dominate the workplace, leaving few opportunities of hands-on learning for newcomers. Nevertheless, I still believe that the benefit of forcing university graduates to work in rural areas could not justify its negative impacts. Firstly, such mandatory service is unfair for students graduating with huge students loans that require them to pay off as the salaries in underdeveloped areas are generally lower than that in big cities. Secondly, it would cause resentment and demotivation among young physicians and teachers who are sent to rural regions against their will, leading to job dissatisfaction and undesirable working performance. Lastly, the greater concern is that when it comes time for these doctors and teachers to relocate to cities, they may find it difficult to catch up with the rapidly changing work environment in developed areas after working for several decades in rural areas where have limited access to cutting-edge technology and continual education. In conclusion, although it is not unreasonable to require doctors and teachers who newly graduate from universities to work in the countryside, to my mind, having such requirement compulsory could do more harm than good.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
fresh out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should
be required
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
regions for several decades. While I admit that this scheme
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
sense to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, I do believe that having such mandatory service could backfire. (
Possible spelling mistake found.
没有be
)

I can understand why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want
newly
-graduated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the countryside. For
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in the countryside compulsory for new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of whom would
otherwise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in large cities for a lucrative career, they would be on a position to access advanced medical care and education services provided by well-educated professionals. It
therefore
could
be argued
that this policy could serve the function of extending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
Possible spelling mistake found.
dwellers&
#039; life expectancy, fostering the
next
generation possessing expertise and knowledge, and
therefore
boosting local economic growth. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
who are fresh from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
would provide them the opportunity of translating theoretical knowledge into practice and advancing practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
thus
building up their confidence early on in their careers. Such chances are less available in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
world in urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
experienced senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
dominate the workplace, leaving few opportunities of hands-on learning for newcomers.

Nevertheless
, I
still
believe that the benefit of forcing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
graduates to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
could not justify its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts.
Firstly
, such mandatory service is unfair for students graduating with huge students loans that require them to pay off as the salaries in underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
are
generally
lower than that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities.
Secondly
, it would cause resentment and
Possible spelling mistake found.
demotivation
among young physicians and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
regions against their will, leading to job dissatisfaction and undesirable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
performance.

Lastly
, the greater concern is that when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
time for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
to relocate to cities, they may find it difficult to catch up with the
rapidly
changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for several decades in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
where have limited access to cutting-edge technology and continual education.

In conclusion
, although it is not unreasonable to require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
who
newly
graduate from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the countryside, to my mind, having such requirement compulsory could do more harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay In many country, good schools and medical facilities are available only in cities. Some people think university graduates who become new teachers and doctors should work in rural areas for a few decades. What is your view? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
385 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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