Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In many country, good schools and medical facilities are available only in cities. Some people think university graduates who become new teachers and doctors should work in rural areas for a few decades. What is your view? v.1

In many country, good schools and medical facilities are available only in cities. Some people think university graduates who become new teachers and doctors should work in rural areas for a few decades. What is your view? v. 1
In these days, the developing technology advances have aroused people’s discussion. However, there an increasing trend of students who enroll in distance learning courses and more workers prefer telecommunicating. My belief is that the positive aspects of this matter overweight its drawbacks. To begin, this trend of working and studying online certainly exerts some detrimental implications to individuals. First, since there is a wide range of options for entertainment such as films, games and music broadcasted on the internet, which effortlessly drive online students to distraction. In fact, researchers have found, that students in online courses are often multitasking with non-academic matters – that refers to time spent on social media – more than their peer in physical classrooms. Second, by working from home, face-to-face communication among co-workers is reduced, which damages their professional interactions. This means that people are likely to find it difficult to resolve the conflict and exacerbates the low productively problem. Clearly, telecommuting and online courses involve many demerits. On the other hand, dazing advantages of telecommuting and study via e-courses is that helps companies and schools slash overhead cost, and thus enjoying a rise in quality. For example, there is little needs of employers to allocate expenditure for renting premises, equipping furniture, hiring cleaner or maintenance works and such cost can be saved for improved products and services. Similarly, instead of huge amounts of budget for facilities such as table, chair and tablets or overhead projectors, school can reinvest in upgrading the educational quality by placing stress on the content of courses delivered. In conclusion, although this trend of studying and working via the internet is not without disadvantages, however, the upsides will justify these.
In these days, the developing technology advances have aroused
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s discussion.
However
, there an increasing trend of students who enroll in distance learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
and more workers prefer
Possible spelling mistake found.
telecommunicating
. My belief is that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of this matter overweight its drawbacks.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, this trend of working and studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
certainly
exerts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
detrimental implications to individuals.
First
, since there is a wide range of options for entertainment such as films, games and music broadcasted on the internet, which
effortlessly
drive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
students to distraction. In fact, researchers have found, that students in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
multitasking with non-academic matters
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
that refers to time spent on social media
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
more than their peer in physical classrooms. Second, by working from home, face-to-face communication among co-workers is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
, which damages their professional interactions. This means that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are likely to find it difficult to resolve the conflict and exacerbates the low
productively
problem.
Clearly
, telecommuting and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
involve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
demerits.

On the other hand
, dazing advantages of telecommuting and study via e-courses is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and schools slash overhead cost, and
thus
enjoying a rise in quality.
For example
, there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
needs of employers to allocate expenditure for renting premises, equipping furniture, hiring cleaner or maintenance works and such cost can
be saved
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
products and services.
Similarly
,
instead
of huge amounts of budget for facilities such as table, chair and tablets or overhead projectors, school can reinvest in upgrading the educational quality by placing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on the content of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
delivered.

In conclusion
, although this trend of studying and working via the internet is not without disadvantages,
however
, the upsides will justify these.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay In many country, good schools and medical facilities are available only in cities. Some people think university graduates who become new teachers and doctors should work in rural areas for a few decades. What is your view? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts