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In many countries, young people are suffering from major health issues as a result of foods containing large quantities of sugar. It is clear that the governments of these countries need to step in and impose some controls over the food industry. How can governments tackle the health issues faced by their people?

In many countries, young people are suffering from major health issues as a result of foods containing large quantities of sugar. It is clear that the governments of these countries need to step in and impose some controls over the food industry. How can governments tackle the health issues faced by their people? p0x0
It is evident due to ample amounts of sugar in food, youth of several nation are facing a challenge of health concerns. I believe ruling power of countries should act and ensure to enforce rules over the organization dealing in food. In this essay, I will delve into the solutions to avoid the health issues due to the adulteration of food products. It is irrefutable to restrict the youngsters to buy adulterated products such as cola, chocolates, donuts, etc. However, if a government form a committee involving individuals from different states in order to design and develop policies so that the same shall be implemented across the country to regulate the food industries. Perhaps, this could protect our people from disease like diabetes because it is difficult to control the young generation rather than these companies. It is certainly possible if government can encourage the nation to manufacture an item which is sugar free, it will help people to choose right food. In addition, establishing a campaign or an awareness program could help in imparting the knowledge that how these products could save one’s life from serious health concerns. To illustrate, a college friend of mine Sheena, suffered from diabetes because she was engaged in consuming lots of sugary things since her childhood. I believe that worsen her condition and not only it affected her health but also her career. In a nutshell, I would like to conclude by saying that loophole is everywhere, but it is really imperative to make people understand the importance of their health. Thus, a proper awareness and a strict execution of rules could protect the wellbeing of our nation.
It is evident due to ample amounts of sugar in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, youth of
Possible agreement error. The noun nation seems to be countable; consider using: "several nations".
several nation
are facing a challenge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
concerns. I believe ruling power of countries should act and ensure to enforce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
over the organization dealing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. In this essay, I will delve into the solutions to avoid the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues due to the adulteration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
products.

It is irrefutable to restrict the youngsters to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
adulterated products such as cola, chocolates, donuts, etc.
However
, if a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
Did you mean "from"?
form
a committee involving individuals from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
states in order to design and develop policies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the same shall
be implemented
across the country to regulate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
industries. Perhaps, this could protect our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from disease like diabetes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is difficult to control the young generation
rather
than these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

It is
certainly
possible if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can encourage the nation to manufacture an item which is sugar free, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to choose right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
In addition
, establishing a campaign or an awareness program could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in imparting the knowledge that how these products could save one’s life from serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
concerns. To illustrate, a college friend of mine Sheena, suffered from diabetes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she
was engaged
in consuming lots of sugary things since her childhood. I believe that worsen her condition and not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
her career.

In a nutshell, I would like
to conclude
by saying that loophole is everywhere,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
really
imperative to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
understand the importance of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Thus
, a proper awareness and a strict execution of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
could protect the
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
of our nation.
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IELTS essay In many countries, young people are suffering from major health issues as a result of foods containing large quantities of sugar. It is clear that the governments of these countries need to step in and impose some controls over the food industry. How can governments tackle the health issues faced by their people?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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