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When a new town is planned, it is more important to develop public parks and sports facilities than shopping centres for people to spend their free time in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

When a new town is planned, it is more important to develop public parks and sports facilities than shopping centres for people to spend their free time in. MaA6
There is common belief that when a new town is planned, public parks and sports facilities are essential to develop, when others think that shopping malls are more feasible as people can spend their free time in. I firmly concur with the first idea because health is the most important thing to people's life. This essay will analyze the reasons for my view. First and foremost, there is ample evidence that public parks can be a great place for people to achieve and maintain good health by a basic method is running around the park every morning, especially for the elder who are having a higher risk of serious illnesses. Another staggering feature is that citizens can experience good physical and mental health count on sports equipment which are constructed by the governments in the parks. Therefore, it is the responsibility of the government to enhance public parks and sports facilities as to uplift the lives of the citizens within their own cities and countries. On the other hand, it is justifiable that shopping shops can be a great place for people to aimlessly wasting their time and money when they need to release stress which are caused by overworking. As a consequence, people will drive their desire to purchase and consume more, which could lead to spending a larger amount of time on shopping, while public parks are free and available any time. In conclusion, I am convinced that public parks and sports facilities are more reasonable to develop than shopping malls, as the most important benefit is that health should be placed first.
There is common belief that when a new town
is planned
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities are essential to develop, when others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls are more feasible as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can spend their free time in. I
firmly
concur with the
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life. This essay will analyze the reasons for my view.

First
and foremost, there is ample evidence that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
can be a great place for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to achieve and maintain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
by a basic method is running around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
every morning,
especially
for the elder who are having a higher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of serious illnesses. Another staggering feature is that citizens can experience
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
physical and mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
count on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
equipment which
are constructed
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
.
Therefore
, it is the responsibility of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities as to uplift the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of the citizens within their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
cities and countries.

On the other hand
, it is justifiable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
shops can be a great place for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
aimlessly
wasting their time and money when they need to release
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
which
are caused
by overworking. As a consequence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will drive their desire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
and consume more, which could lead to spending a larger amount of time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
are free and available any time.

In conclusion
, I
am convinced
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities are more reasonable to develop than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls, as the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
benefit is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
should
be placed
first
.
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IELTS essay When a new town is planned, it is more important to develop public parks and sports facilities than shopping centres for people to spend their free time in.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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