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in many countries women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require the financial security that marriage can bring

in many countries women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require the financial security that marriage can bring 1wVM
In the contemporary era, Females are stepping out of the four walls and showcase their talent in every field. Certain individuals believe that they are self- dependent and able to take care of their own needs. As a result, they do not any financial support which marriage provides. In my opinion, I disagree with this statement that females get married for financial security. Nowadays, Females are choosing their interests like- education, career, etc. To Begin with, Education is one of the foremost reasons that females are deciding to stay single at the present time. Once upon a time, When women were used to staying at home. They were forbidden to take education due to conservative culture. They were confined to take care of the house. Therefore, Most people thought that they are made only to stay at home. However, Nowadays, In many countries, there is a high literacy rate of females For example - India has female literacy rate is higher than men's literacy. They have shown up their strengths in the education field. The western world has been seen that many cases of females after 30s enrolling for higher training or educational programs. Moreover, the other reason is that women prefer to stay single or postpone their marriages due to their career optimistic approach. A few years ago, Women relied on custodian income as they were not allowed to pursue their career goals. Thus, they have tied a relationship as they matured. However, Females are getting career opportunities as compared to men. For Instance - It has been seen that Highly career optimistic women are single. They prefer to build a career and establish accomplishments in their respective field rather than choose to get married. To Sum Up, Women should have been single instead of knotted to a relationship. I believe that A female does not require to get married because it bestows monetary security. The twenty-First -century female is capable to handle her own needs.
In the contemporary era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Females
are stepping out of the four walls and showcase their talent in every field. Certain individuals believe that they are self- dependent and able to take care of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
needs.
As a result
, they do not any financial support which marriage provides. In my opinion, I disagree with
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
this


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
statement
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married for financial security. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Females
are choosing their interests like-
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, career, etc.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Begin


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
with
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
is one of the foremost reasons that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
are deciding to stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
single
at the present time. Once upon a time, When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to staying at home. They
were forbidden
to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
due to conservative culture. They
were confined
to take care of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
Therefore
, Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that they
are made
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to stay at home.
However
, Nowadays, In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, there is a high literacy rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
For example


Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
India has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
literacy rate is higher than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
's literacy. They have shown up their strengths in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
field. The western world has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
after 30s enrolling for higher training or educational programs.

Moreover
, the other reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
prefer to stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
single
or postpone their marriages due to their career

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
optimistic
approach. A few years ago,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
relied on custodian income as they were not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to pursue their
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
career


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
goals
.
Thus
, they have tied a relationship as they matured.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Females
are getting career

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
opportunities
as compared to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.
For Instance


Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
It has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
Highly
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
career


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
optimistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
single
. They prefer to build a
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
career


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
establish accomplishments in their respective field
rather
than choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married.

To Sum Up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
should have been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
single
instead


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
of
knotted to a relationship. I believe that A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
does not require to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it bestows monetary security. The twenty-
First


-century
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
is capable to handle her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
needs.
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IELTS essay in many countries women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require the financial security that marriage can bring

Essay
  American English
12 paragraphs
327 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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