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In many countries, weddings are getting big and expensive today as they were in past. Why do you think this is the case? Is it a negative or positive development? v.2

In many countries, weddings are getting big and expensive today as they were in past. Why do you think this is the case? Is it a negative or positive development? v. 2
With an individual become wealthful, people often believe in show-off their opulence to the public and due to that they spend extravagant money on various occasion. Today, in all family where weddings and marriage will be organized they often perplexed about the how much money would be spent on that and it is one of the controversial topic because people judge the particular person by the services, that provides during the occasion. I firmly believe that abundant money spent on such a program would be insignificant. There are many manifolds points for shore up my point of view. First and foremost, today people pay-up their almost money in such occasion just for showing how they are wealthy. But, they do not consider every aspect of human life. A person earns the money for the happiness of the family, not for showing how they are rich. However, on activities like marriage proper organizer required, but not paying the huge amount of money. For example, in India bussinessman organize marriage by paying several million rupees but, they forgot the real mean of their earning money. They invite the VIP guests and provide first class services by use of enormous amount of money. Furthermore, emphasizing of my point of view. The income tax department of India show their report and assure that, in India most public waste their money on local occasion like weddings and openings of houses and shops. Secondly, report shows that most people put the money in order to save money from paying tax. Although, many educated people not spending more money in that, some orthodox people still believe in pay-up money in family occasion. To conclude, every coin has two sides. Hence, spending more money is not an exception in the world. A person must check their economic condition before they organize luxurious party. As a truth that in the world no person has same economic condition, Therefore, they allow to provides first-class services by worth of their money. In my point of view this topic takes place on neutral side; but in developing country, we needless to say that it is totally worse development.
With an individual become
Possible spelling mistake found.
wealthful
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believe in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
-off their opulence to the public and due to that they spend extravagant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occasion
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, in all family where weddings and marriage will
be organized
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
perplexed about
Did you mean "how"?
the how
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
would
be spent
on that and it is one of the controversial topic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
judge the particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
by the services, that provides during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occasion
. I
firmly
believe that abundant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
spent on such a program would be insignificant.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
manifolds
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
points
for shore up my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
of view.
First
and foremost,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
pay-up their almost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occasion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for showing how they are wealthy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, they do not consider every aspect of human life. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
earns the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the happiness of the family, not for showing how they are rich.
However
, on activities like marriage proper organizer required,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not paying the huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
For example
, in India
Possible spelling mistake found.
bussinessman
organize marriage by paying several million rupees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, they forgot the real mean of their earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. They invite the VIP guests and provide
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
services by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of enormous amount of money.

Furthermore
, emphasizing of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
of view. The income tax department of India
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their report and assure that, in India most public waste their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occasion
like weddings and openings of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
and shops.
Secondly
, report
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
put the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in order to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from paying tax. Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
orthodox
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
believe in pay-up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in family occasion.

To conclude
, every coin has two sides.
Hence
, spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not an exception in the world. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
their economic condition
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they organize luxurious party. As a truth that in the world no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
has same economic condition,
Therefore
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "provide".
provides
first
-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
services by worth of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. In my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
of view this topic takes place on neutral side;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing country
,
It seems that a verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here. Please verify.
we needless
to say that it is
totally
worse development.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, weddings are getting big and expensive today as they were in past. Why do you think this is the case? Is it a negative or positive development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
356 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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