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In many countries today, Major cities have become too big and overcrowded. Why is this? What measures could be taken to reduce this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.2

In many countries today, Major cities have become too big and overcrowded. Why is this? What measures could be taken to reduce this problem? v. 2
Many cities are already packed to the breaking point, even if the authorities see the risks and problems associated with this overcrowding. The reasons for this overcrowding are usually a human desire for a better life. However, the problem of overcrowded cities has to be the responsibility of state authorities. In my opinion, people who are eager to move to bigger cities are usually people who mostly believe that the opportunities and chances are only in bigger cities. This is especially true for poor people, who cannot see the risks and threats behind the decisions of moving to those cities. The examples of Dubai and Moscow come to prove that about 40% of the population living in these cities have chased their dreams of better life. People who refuse underqualified jobs in their hometowns, eagerly agree to work in supersized cities, believing that one day the luck will come to them. Furthermore, it is generally believed that the lack of education is linked to the desire of finding best opportunities in bigger cities. People, who do not have qualifications, tend to think that by moving to bigger cities, they can look for increased income and chase their dreams. So, the governments could promote educational programs to raise awareness of the risks and failures people can face in bigger and packed cities. To sum up, we can understand the desire of people to move to the megacities to find their life chances. However, the authorities can really promote education as a solution to this problem. Thus, education will help these immigrants find jobs and opportunities in own places, rather than moving to packed cities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are already packed to the breaking point, even if the authorities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
and problems associated with this overcrowding. The reasons for this overcrowding are
usually
a human desire for a better life.
However
, the problem of overcrowded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be the responsibility of state authorities.

In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are eager to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
mostly
believe that the opportunities and chances are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. This is
especially
true for poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
and threats behind the decisions of moving to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. The examples of Dubai and Moscow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to prove that about 40% of the population living in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
have chased their dreams of better life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
refuse
Possible spelling mistake found.
underqualified
jobs in their hometowns,
eagerly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to work in supersized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, believing that one day the luck will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to them.

Furthermore
, it is
generally
believed that the lack of education
is linked
to the desire of
A determiner is probably missing here: "finding the best".
finding best
opportunities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not have qualifications, tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that by moving to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, they can look for increased income and chase their dreams.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
could promote educational programs to raise awareness of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
and failures
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can face in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bigger
and packed cities.

To sum up, we can understand the desire of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
megacities
to find their life chances.
However
, the authorities can
really
promote education as a solution to this problem.
Thus
, education will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
these immigrants find jobs and opportunities in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
places,
rather
than moving to packed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries today, Major cities have become too big and overcrowded. Why is this? What measures could be taken to reduce this problem? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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