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In many countries the rich are becoming richer and poor are becoming poorer Why is this a problem What solutions are there to tackle this problem v.1

In many countries the rich are becoming richer and poor are becoming poorer Why is this a problem What solutions are there to tackle this problem v. 1
As the result of globalization, it has become increasingly useful to be able to speak another language. Many believe that elementary school children should be though another language, whereas others believe that this will only be impactful at a later stage. Both views will be discussed before an opinion is made. Those who believe that primary students should learn a foreign langue, is due to their developing brain. By learning a language at a younger age, children are able to grasp the language faster. It has been scientifically proven that learning an alternative dialect is more futile at this age. Furthermore, a child’s interest is at their peak during this time period, therefore by learning a new language at this age they will in turn gain an interest in continuing the language. However, I would argue that the time used to learn a language can be better spent to introduce more important subjects, such as: literature, maths and science. Although, languages are advantageous in the future, it is essential that all children have their basics in maths and sciences. These skills are the foundation of their higher educational studies. In addition, by introducing an extra subject, it increases the school day and in turn results in students, especially younger ones, to lose interest in their class. In conclusion, although learning a language at a younger age might be advantageous in the future, it takes away from subjects which are needed for every higher educational institute. Therefore, I believe that another language should be introduced in secondary school.
As the result of globalization, it has become
increasingly
useful to be able to speak another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that elementary school children should be though another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
, whereas others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be impactful at a later stage. Both views will
be discussed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
an opinion
is made
.

Those who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that primary students should learn a foreign
Possible spelling mistake found.
langue
, is due to their developing brain. By
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
at a younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, children are able to grasp the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
faster. It has been
scientifically
proven that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
an alternative dialect is more futile at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
Furthermore
, a child’s interest is at their peak during this time period,
therefore
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
they will in turn gain an interest in continuing the language.

However
, I would argue that the time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to learn a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
can be better spent to introduce more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
subjects, such as: literature,
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
and science. Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
are advantageous in the future, it is essential that all children have their basics in
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
and sciences. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are the foundation of their higher educational studies.
In addition
, by introducing an extra subject, it increases the school day and in turn results in students,
especially
younger ones, to lose interest in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
at a younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
might be advantageous in the future, it takes away from subjects which
are needed
for every higher educational institute.
Therefore
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
should
be introduced
in secondary school.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay In many countries the rich are becoming richer and poor are becoming poorer Why is this a problem What solutions are there to tackle this problem v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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