Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In many countries, the number of young people who play video games is increasing. Do you think the advantages of playing video games outweigh its disadvantages?

In many countries, the number of young people who play video games is increasing. Do you think the advantages of playing video games outweigh its disadvantages? E9Y1r
In today’s modern society, the number of young people who play video games is increasing. In my view, the disadvantages of playing video games outweigh its advantages. On the one hand, video games bring a lot of benefits. Video games make us increase intelligence. When young people play logical video games, they need to use their brains to think. Their brains will improve their intellect, the way of thinking will be better. Therefore, they will be smarter. For example, if we often play video games such as puzzle, solve the riddle, our brain can be more intelligent and clear-headed. On the other hand, video games bring more disadvantages than advantages. Firstly, video games make us behave violently. Violent video games are trending for young people. Thus, the majority of young people play violent video games frequently. If they spend too much time playing video games, their brains will be impacted by violent behaviour’s video games. Therefore, they will imitate the violent actions like video games. Secondly, video games affect our studies. Nowadays, young people take a lot of time to play video games. Hence, they do not have time to study. Some teenagers play truant to play games. Those actions make them get a bad mark. In conclusion, i believe that the disadvantages of playing video games outweigh its disadvantages.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s modern society, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is increasing. In my view, the disadvantages of playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
outweigh its advantages.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us increase intelligence. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
logical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, they need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brains
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
. Their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brains
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their intellect, the way of thinking will be better.
Therefore
, they will be smarter.
For example
, if we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
such as puzzle, solve the riddle, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain
can be more intelligent and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
-headed.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
bring more disadvantages than advantages.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us behave
violently
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are trending for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Thus
, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
frequently
. If they spend too much time playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brains
will
be impacted
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Therefore
, they will imitate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
actions like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
affect our studies. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Hence
, they do not have time to study.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
truant to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. Those actions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
mark.

In conclusion
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
believe that the disadvantages of playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
outweigh its disadvantages.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay In many countries, the number of young people who play video games is increasing. Do you think the advantages of playing video games outweigh its disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
220 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • In many countries, the number of young people who play video games is increasing. Do you think the advantages of playing video games outweigh its disadvantages?