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In Many Countries, the Law Says that People Must Attend School until They Become 18 Years Old. What are the advantages and disadvantages?

In Many Countries, the Law Says that People Must Attend School until They Become 18 Years Old. What are the advantages and disadvantages? KYXxN
In this modern era, many countries set rules for people to compulsory taking education until the age of 18. This rule comes with many benefits such as students becoming more knowledgeable and smarter at an early age. While the demerits of this rule are not ignorable like it's a waste of time and money for students who are not interested in the study. Intiatiationg with the best possible benefits, the most significant advantage of going school in early age is people will be able to gain more knowledge. School is a good environment for people to develop themselves both academically and ethically. Students have a sharp mind at an early age so they can learn easily and remember things for a lifetime which makes them smarter. This smartness will help them in future social life as well as for making money. For instance, 80% of adults in developed countries have minimum knowledge of secondary school. On the paradoxical side, there are many drawbacks of compulsory schools and can not be neglected. First and foremost, it is a waste of time for those students who are not interested in studying or are not able to study. Many students are joining schools only due to the pressure of their parents. Due to lack of interest, they can not learn things in a proper way, and in the end, the output will be zero and it's becoming a total waste of money. So, at that time parents need to send their children into the industry for gaining experience that will help their children for doing business in the future. To conclude, the rule of compulsory taking education until 18 seems like evil as people are becoming knowledgeable and smarter at an early age along with demerits such as it is a waste of time and money for those who are not interested in the study.
In this modern era,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries set
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to compulsory taking education until the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 18. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rule
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
becoming more knowledgeable and smarter at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. While the demerits of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rule
are not ignorable like it's a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who are not interested in the study.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Intiatiationg
with the best possible benefits, the most significant advantage of going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be able to gain more knowledge.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
environment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to develop themselves both
academically
and
ethically
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
have a sharp mind at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can learn
easily
and remember things for a lifetime which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them smarter. This smartness will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in future social life
as well
as for making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
For instance
, 80% of adults in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
have minimum knowledge of secondary school.

On the paradoxical side, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks of compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and can not
be neglected
.
First
and foremost, it is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who are not interested in studying or are not able to study.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are joining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
due to the pressure of their parents. Due to lack of interest, they can not learn things
Consider replacing "in a proper way" with the adverb for "proper"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a proper way
, and in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, the output will be zero and it's becoming a total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, at that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
parents need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their children into the industry for gaining experience that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their children for doing business in the future.

To conclude
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rule
of compulsory taking education until 18 seems like evil as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming knowledgeable and smarter at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
along with demerits such as it is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for those who are not interested in the study.
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IELTS essay In Many Countries, the Law Says that People Must Attend School until They Become 18 Years Old. What are the advantages and disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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