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In many countries the government prioritizes economic growth above all other concerns Discuss the advantages and disadvantages and give your own opinion v.2

In many countries the government prioritizes economic growth above all other concerns Discuss the advantages and disadvantages and give your own opinion v. 2
It is argued that higher authorities of many nations are focusing more on an upsurge of economic growth and giving least importance to the other issues. While the main advantage of this is the prosperity of the nation, I believe that excessive pollution is a serious drawback. The primary benefit of focusing more on economic prosperity is that it results in a wealthier nation because governmental elites emphasize on establishing more industries to increase their products. In other words, it reduces poverty by offering employment and giving high wages to the workers so that they flourish in terms of their personal growth. As more people receive a huge amount of salary it raises their living standard and results in up-gradation of the monetary status of the nation. For example, in 2010 Chines government introduced a policy which focuses more on the living standard of its nations due to which it has become the second-largest economy in the world. However, I believe that this focus raises many other serious concerns not only to the country but all over the world. a major disadvantage of giving more importance to economic growth is it gives rise to serious environmental concerns. This is to say that when more industries are established it contributes more towards polluting the atmosphere because industries are the main cause of air, water, and land pollution. For example, Ukraine government set goals to increase their GDP to significant levels but an annual report published by United Nations stated that annual contribution of Ukraine in polluting environment is 5% and they need to adopt sustainable development goals. To conclude, the government of many states emphasizes more on economic development, although it reduces poverty among the nation.
It
is argued
that higher authorities of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are focusing more on an upsurge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
growth and giving
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
importance to the other issues. While the main advantage of this is the prosperity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
, I believe that excessive pollution is a serious drawback.

The primary benefit of focusing more on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
prosperity is that it results in a wealthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
governmental elites emphasize on establishing more industries to increase their products.
In other words
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
poverty by offering employment and giving high wages to the workers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they flourish in terms of their personal growth. As more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
receive a huge amount of salary it raises their living standard and results in up-gradation of the monetary status of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
For example
, in 2010 Chines
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
introduced a policy which focuses more on the living standard of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
due to which it has become the second-largest economy in the world.
However
, I believe that this focus raises
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other serious concerns not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to the country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
all over the world.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
a
major disadvantage of giving more importance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
growth is it gives rise to serious environmental concerns. This is to say that when more industries
are established
it contributes more towards polluting the atmosphere
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
industries are the main cause of air, water, and land pollution.
For example
, Ukraine
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
set goals to increase their GDP to significant levels
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
an annual report published by United
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Nations
stated that annual contribution of Ukraine in polluting environment is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
5% and
they need to adopt sustainable development goals.

To conclude
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
states emphasizes more on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
development, although it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
poverty among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay In many countries the government prioritizes economic growth above all other concerns Discuss the advantages and disadvantages and give your own opinion v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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