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In many countries, the amount of crimes increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes? v.2

In many countries, the amount of crimes increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes? v. 2
In this modern era, there is a gradual increase in crime rate in majority of the countries in the world. There are myriad of cause’s effect on this current trend and the society can take preventive measures in reducing the crime rate. In this essay, I shall discuss on the main causes of crime and the ways to deal with this situation as well. First and foremost, the scarcity of resources and unfair distribution of facilities are considered to be the main reasons for the increase of crime rate. For instance, the highest number of crimes are evident in developing countries, specially located in African and Asian region. Apart from that, media can stimulate people’s mind towards crimes by the way of telecasting violant programmes. Moreover, there is a correlation between crime rates with the rate of drug addiction as those who are under the influence of drugs tend to involve in crimes more oftenly than an ordinary person too. Therefore, the society need to work towards to mitigate the crime rate of the society by implementing following procedures with the help of its stakeholders. Government has to ensure fair distribution of resources to minimize criminals in the society while ensuring a quality life for all the citizens. Governments, even can educate the society in conflict minimization strategies from primary education, meanwhile the curriculum ought to be updated and enriched to inculcate good qualities in the minds of the younger generation. However, religious education has to be compulsory for all communities, since children need to take the responsibilities in the coming future. Furthermore, the law enforcing institutions such as police and army has to equiped with sophisticated equipment and technology to facilitate criminal investigation. Finally, media institutions have to operate under a common guideline to eliminate spreading violent thought in the society. In conclusion, governments, individuals, media institutions, law enforcing institutions and education institutions must be integrated to eradicate crimes in a particular society while improving its confidential, and quality attributes. Finally, human being has not been able to find a sustainable solution for this hazard.
In this modern era, there is a gradual increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
the countries in the world. There are myriad
Did you mean "of course" (=naturally)?
of cause
’s effect on this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
trend and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
can take preventive measures in reducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
. In this essay, I shall discuss on the main causes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and the ways to deal with this situation
as well
.

First
and foremost, the scarcity of resources and unfair distribution of facilities
are considered
to be the main reasons for the increase of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
.
For instance
, the highest number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are evident in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
,
specially
located in African and Asian region. Apart from that, media can stimulate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s mind towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
by the way of telecasting
Possible spelling mistake found.
violant
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
.
Moreover
, there is a correlation between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of drug addiction as those who are under the influence of drugs tend to involve in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
more
Possible spelling mistake found.
oftenly
than an ordinary person too.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
need to work towards to mitigate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
by implementing following procedures with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of its stakeholders.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
ensure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
distribution of resources to minimize criminals in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
while ensuring a quality life for all the citizens.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
, even can educate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
in conflict minimization strategies from primary education, meanwhile the curriculum ought to
be updated
and enriched to inculcate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
qualities in the minds of the younger generation.
However
, religious education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be compulsory for all communities, since children need to take the responsibilities in the coming future.
Furthermore
, the law enforcing institutions such as police and army
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "equipped", the past tense form of the verb 'equip'?
equiped
with sophisticated equipment and technology to facilitate criminal investigation.
Finally
, media institutions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
operate under a common guideline to eliminate spreading violent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
in the society.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
, individuals, media institutions, law enforcing institutions and education institutions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be integrated
to eradicate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
in a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
while improving its confidential, and quality attributes.
Finally
, human being has not been able to find a sustainable solution for this hazard.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, the amount of crimes increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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