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IN MANY COUNTRIES ,THE AMOUNT OF CRIME INCREASING

IN MANY COUNTRIES, THE AMOUNT OF CRIME INCREASING g5W33
Currently in many countries and states, the sum of crime has become increasing between youngsters and adults. In this essay I will examine some factors contributing to this problem and some solutions. In my view there are several reasons of the problem one of them is financial situation of people and the solution is a creating new jobs for poor people. Nowadays many people are sitting in the prison because of crime. The amount of crimes are increasing faster than past years. The cause of it is gaps between poor and rich. One good illustration of this is that the people who are in dire need are bound to steal for their livelihood. Moreover illegal activities such as consumption of drugs have also contributed a lot in enhancing the crime level around the globe. Besides the children who do not have parents or financial situation is poor are commit a crime. In some case the parents are cause of the children to do a crime with their apathy. Parents should control any activity of the children without pressure. However, solutions are available to tackle this problem. Firstly, many companies have to create new place to work for poor people. Moreover the salary of the jobs have satisfy and it can help to eliminate the crime between people. Secondly, the teenagers have to study where they would like to learn new knowledge. Furthermore, there are many schools which cost so expensive for people who have a financial problem so therefore schools have to discount the cost o study in there.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Currently
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries and states, the sum of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
has become increasing between youngsters and adults. In this essay I will examine
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
factors contributing to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions. In my view there are several reasons of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
one of them
Please check whether an article is missing: "is a financial" or "is an financial"
is financial
situation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the solution is a creating new jobs for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are sitting in the prison
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. The amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "is"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'are' is not always incorrect.)
are
increasing faster than past years. The cause of it is gaps between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
and rich. One
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are in dire need
are bound
to steal for their livelihood.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
illegal activities such as consumption of drugs have
also
contributed a lot in enhancing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
level around the globe.

Besides
the children who do not have parents or financial situation is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
are commit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
case the parents are cause of the children to do a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
with their apathy. Parents should control any activity of the children without pressure.

However
, solutions are available to tackle this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
create new place to work for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
the salary of the jobs have
Use past participle here: "satisfied".
satisfy
and it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to eliminate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Secondly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
study where they would like to learn new knowledge.
Furthermore
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
schools which cost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
expensive for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have a financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
therefore
schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
discount the cost o study in there.
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IELTS essay IN MANY COUNTRIES, THE AMOUNT OF CRIME INCREASING

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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