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In many countries, teenagers are encouraged to do part-time jobs. What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages of doing part-time jobs?

In many countries, teenagers are encouraged to do part-time jobs. What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages of doing part-time jobs? jQm5N
These days, it is becoming more and more common for students to do part-time jobs. However, there are both benefits and drawbacks of this situation. In this essay, I will discuss some of the reasons why getting involved in part-time works is so popular and some of the challenges have to be overcome. On the one hand, the main advantage of doing part-time jobs is that youngsters will acquire real-life experiences, which cannot be gained through studies. For instance, they can develop their social and communication skills by working with new people at work. Moreover, young people always have a desire to become independent, so they do not want to rely on their parents. By working part-time, teenagers can earn their own money to pay for their tuition and monthly living expenses without having to ask for money from their parents. On the other hand, there are also numerous disadvantages of working part-time. Firstly, students sometimes cannot manage their hectic schedule when they have to constantly go to school and work all day. It is undeniable that young people cannot concentrate on studying when they work hard and get exhausted. Therefore, doing part-time jobs will negatively affect their studies. Secondly, if students work in a harsh environment, it can have a bad impact on them. For instance, at this age, teenagers always want to prove themselves, but in some cases, they can misunderstand and ape their wicked co-workers. This will lead to bad behaviors such as smoking, taking drugs or even committing crimes. In conclusion, working part-time has both benefits and drawbacks. Therefore, youngsters will have to consider carefully before choosing whether to do part-time jobs or not.
These days, it is becoming more and more common for students to do part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
However
, there are both benefits and drawbacks of this situation. In this essay, I will discuss
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
reasons why getting involved in part-time works is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
popular and
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
challenges
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be overcome
.

On the one hand, the main advantage of doing part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
is that youngsters will acquire real-life experiences, which cannot
be gained
through studies.
For instance
, they can develop their social and communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
with new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Moreover
, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
always have a desire to become independent,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they do not want to rely on their parents. By
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
part-time,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
can earn their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
money to pay for their tuition and monthly living expenses without having to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
money from their parents.

On the other hand
, there are
also
numerous disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
part-time.
Firstly
, students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
cannot manage their hectic schedule when they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
constantly
go to school and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
all day. It is undeniable that young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
cannot concentrate on studying when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
exhausted.
Therefore
, doing part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
will
negatively
affect their studies.
Secondly
, if students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a harsh environment, it can have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact on them.
For instance
, at this age,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
always want to prove themselves,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, they can misunderstand and ape their wicked co-workers. This will lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
behaviors such as smoking, taking drugs or even committing crimes.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
part-time has both benefits and drawbacks.
Therefore
, youngsters will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
consider
carefully
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
choosing whether to do part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
or not.
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IELTS essay In many countries, teenagers are encouraged to do part-time jobs. What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages of doing part-time jobs?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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