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Describe your ideal healthy living environment

Describe your ideal healthy living environment MwVBL
First off all it’s very interesting and important article, nowadays many people spend their live living in the huge cities where healthy living environment not always seems good as you want to be. I would say that ideal place for healthy living its countries with great nature like Canada, Switzerland, Austria, and of course Scandinavian states (Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Island). In these states you can live without any problem in countryside in general due to the constantly evolving infrastructure what makes it possible to live in a favorable environment where there is no place for light and heavy industry. It is also worth mentioning that in these countries they attach great importance to the preservation and protection of the environment. As I have already said, thanks to the developed infrastructure and stable economy, life in the countryside allows people to live among amazing nature and beautiful landscapes, while if they need to commute to work in the city every day, then this will not be a problem for them because of the developed road infrastructure. It would be ideal for me to settle in one of these places and build my own house, which will survive for generations.
First
off all it’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
interesting and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
article, nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
living in the huge cities where healthy living environment not always seems
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
as you want to be. I would say that ideal place for healthy living its countries with great nature like Canada, Switzerland, Austria, and
of course
Scandinavian states (Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Island). In these states you can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
without any problem in countryside
in general
due to the
constantly
evolving infrastructure what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it possible to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in a favorable environment where there is no place for light and heavy industry. It is
also
worth mentioning that in these countries they attach great importance to the preservation and protection of the environment.

As I have already said, thanks to the developed infrastructure and stable economy, life in the countryside
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
among amazing nature and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
landscapes, while if they need to commute to work in the city every day, then this will not be a problem for them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the developed road infrastructure.

It would be ideal for me to settle in one of these places and build my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, which will survive for generations.

IELTS essay Describe your ideal healthy living environment

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
198 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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