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In many countries, people have health problems because they choose to live in unhealthy ways. What do you think the reasons for this and how can it be solved? v.11

In many countries, people have health problems because they choose to live in unhealthy ways. What do you think the reasons for this and how can it be solved? v. 11
It is true that people who choose to have unhealthy lifestyle also have the highest chance of getting a disease. In the following paragraphs, I shall provide some reasons why this is happening and give a possible solution to solve the issue. There are two primary causes why people are opting to be unhealthy. One is that most of the convenient and budget friendly choices are unhealthy. It frequently makes people's lives easier. For instance, instead of preparing home cooked meals, which are often expensive, they try to purchase instant foods that are more affordable than the former. Although this can bring convenience to people, people can end up having problems such are gastrointestinal or kidney disorders. Moreover, they prefer to stay unfit because they are lazy or oftentimes busy with their work. People have no time to visit a gym nor do simple exercises even at home due to the fact that they either have hectic office schedules or not interested at all. Hence, in many countries, a large number of their population is with the existence of an illness. Nevertheless, solutions are also available to prevent this growing population of mortality in people. Firstly, the government should impose public awareness. By allowing people to know the negativity of these wrong way of living, they will start to be conscious about their health. For example, the utilization of social media is indeed an effective measure to do this. Lastly, people can initiate to integrate workout to their weekly schedules by encouraging friends to do a group physical activity. This can kill boredom because the more people do similar activities, the merrier. Thus, by doing these methods, people can begin to become fit. In conclusion, convenience and laziness are the principal reasons behind the unhealthy habits of people. However, this can be curbed when people practice incorporating physical activity in their daily lives and for the authorities to reinforce more information through advertisement about the health hazards this unpleasant lifestyle can lead.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who choose to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
lifestyle
also
have the highest chance of getting a disease. In the following paragraphs, I shall provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons why this is happening and give a possible solution to solve the issue.

There are two primary causes why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are opting to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
. One is that most of the convenient and budget friendly choices are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
. It
frequently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
easier.
For instance
,
instead
of preparing home cooked meals, which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
expensive, they try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
instant foods that are more affordable than the former. Although this can bring convenience to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up having problems such are gastrointestinal or kidney disorders.
Moreover
, they prefer to stay unfit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are lazy or oftentimes busy with their work.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have no time to visit a gym nor do simple exercises even at home due to the fact that they either have hectic office schedules or not interested at all.
Hence
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
their population is with the existence of an illness.

Nevertheless
, solutions are
also
available to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this growing population of mortality in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should impose public awareness. By allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to know the negativity of these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
way of living, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to be conscious about their health.
For example
, the utilization of social media is
indeed
an effective measure to do this.
Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can initiate to integrate workout to their weekly schedules by encouraging friends to do a group physical activity. This can kill boredom
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do similar activities, the merrier.
Thus
, by doing these methods,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to become fit.

In conclusion
, convenience and laziness are the principal reasons behind the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
habits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
, this can
be curbed
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
practice incorporating physical activity in their daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and for the authorities to reinforce more information through advertisement about the health hazards this unpleasant lifestyle can lead.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, people have health problems because they choose to live in unhealthy ways. What do you think the reasons for this and how can it be solved? v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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