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In many countries people are concerned about the number of children who are overweight.

In many countries people are concerned about the number of children who are overweight. MGPe
According to statestics, more and more young people are becoming obese, and it is mutual problem. Also it brings heart desases from young ages. To combat this problem goverment should decrease taxes for fatty foods. The two main causes make youngstesrs overweihgt. The first is fast food which is affortible everywhere. This kind of groceries consist lots of calory which brings to obesity if it cocumed in daily basis. In addition advertisement of this foods make it more renowned, after whatching rhis publiciti a child has desire to eat. For example, i know some children who wants to eat what they saw on TV. The secon cause is technology or simply computer games. In this era even a todler able to monupulate the phone. And they immers to virtual life, it is supper difficult to get rid of their room and go outdors to be physicaly active. It means angaging with computer games links to desases. For instance cardiovascular illneces, high level pf lipid atc. To tacke this problem goverment play vital role. It would be good idea to rise fees on junk food, and make cheaper fresh nurtritions. I think concuming fresh food leads to be fit as well as makes people healthy. Moreover minimising ads of junk food on TV and social media helps to decrease obesity not only between children but also among adults. Decreasing number of children who are overweight it is not only depends on goverment bu also children themselves. For example the can enroll for gym and fitness clubs, to shon from unnecessary weight or burn it. To conclude, obesity is global broblem due to eating too much full fat products and bind to virtual games. To solve this problem goverment shoul lend a hend to children via increasing taxes.
According to
statestics
, more and more young
people
are becoming obese, and it
is mutual
problem
.
Also
it brings heart
desases
from young ages. To combat this
problem
goverment
should decrease taxes for fatty
foods
. The two main causes
make
youngstesrs
overweihgt
. The
first
is
fast
food
which is
affortible
everywhere. This kind of groceries consist
lots of calory
which brings to obesity if it
cocumed
in daily basis. In
addition
advertisement of
this
foods
make
it more renowned, after
whatching
rhis
publiciti
a child has desire to eat.
For example
,
i
know
some
children
who
wants
to eat what they
saw
on TV. The
secon
cause is technology or
simply
computer games. In this era even a
todler
able to
monupulate
the phone. And they
immers
to virtual life, it is supper difficult to
get
rid of their room and go
outdors
to be
physicaly
active. It means
angaging
with computer games links to
desases
.
For instance
cardiovascular
illneces
, high level pf lipid
atc
. To
tacke
this
problem
goverment
play vital role. It would be
good
idea
to rise fees on junk
food
, and
make
cheaper fresh
nurtritions
. I
think
concuming
fresh
food
leads to
be fit
as well
as
makes
people
healthy.
Moreover
minimising
ads of junk
food
on TV and social media
helps
to decrease obesity not
only
between
children
but
also
among adults. Decreasing number of
children
who are overweight it is not
only
depends on
goverment
bu
also
children
themselves.
For example
the can enroll for gym and fitness clubs, to
shon
from unnecessary weight or burn it.
To conclude
, obesity is global
broblem
due to eating too much full
fat
products and bind to virtual games. To solve this
problem
goverment
shoul
lend a
hend
to
children
via increasing taxes.
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IELTS essay In many countries people are concerned about the number of children who are overweight.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
296 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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