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In many countries people are concerned about the number of children who are overweight. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v.5

In many countries people are concerned about the number of children who are overweight. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 5
Youth obesity is the major inadvertent issues that are omnipresent. There are considerable reasons for such this phenomenal, but the prominent reason could be the eating habits due to the societal improvement. Each party shall be compromised to tackle this issue. The youth obesity is the common issues around the world. This issue has been raised due to the inadvertently structured by the rapid development of society. The inept preparation for the meals by busily working parents can be the reason for youth obesity, or it can be caused by the relatively incremental of unhealthy foods. Since removal of the adults guidance would result children to eat unhealthy foods, such as junk foods, which would have low in nutrition values compared to high calories. Despite considerable reasons are having a prevalent affect, the prominent reason would be habitual eating preferences. The society development has ubiquitous influence on the hasty eating habits, and which provide inadequate time for exercises. The addiction for stimulative taste and the availability of high calorie containing food have inadvertently jeopardize the children' s health. With the cumulative of those factors have prevailing issues. Since this issue is the universal target, each party shall be solved at their levels. Initially, parents are the one who can directly influence on children' s eating habits since their eating preferences would be based on family eating styles. Parents can prepare each meal to protect children from eating unhealthy meals, and which will lead to healthy eating habits by eating healthy meals constantly. Meanwhile the local council and local government could restrict the hours of selling junk foods to children for junk food restaurants. In Australia, most of junk food restaurants do not sell any junk foods from 4 to 6pm to school children, which can be seen as a great example for the restriction of youth consumption in unhealthy foods. Therefore, all the various methods can be sought to prevent the youth obesity. In conclusion, the current prominent issue is the youth obesity which have had caused by several factors, the primary causes would be the children' s eating habits. This issue can be solved separately by dealt at different levels. The local government can impose the regulation to restrict the selling hours to children to junk food restaurants, whereas parents can provide the healthy meals at every costs to prevent further youth obesity in the future.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Youth
obesity is the major inadvertent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
that are omnipresent. There are considerable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for such this phenomenal,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the prominent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
could be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
due to the societal improvement. Each party shall
be compromised
to tackle this issue.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
obesity is the common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
around the world. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
has
been raised
due to the
inadvertently
structured by the rapid development of society. The inept preparation for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
by
busily
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
obesity, or it can
be caused
by the
relatively
incremental of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. Since removal of the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "adults'" or "adult's"?
adults
guidance would result
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, which would have low in nutrition values compared to high calories.

Despite considerable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
are having a prevalent affect, the prominent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
would be habitual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
preferences. The society development has ubiquitous influence on the hasty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
, and which provide inadequate time for exercises. The addiction for stimulative taste and the availability of high calorie containing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
have
inadvertently
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "jeopardized".
jeopardize
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s health. With
The phrase 'the cumulative of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the cumulative of
those factors have prevailing issues.

Since this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
is the universal target, each party shall
be solved
at their levels.
Initially
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the one who can
directly
influence on
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
since their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
preferences would
be based
on family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
styles.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
can prepare each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meal
to protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
, and which will lead to healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
constantly
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Meanwhile
the local council and local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could restrict the hours of selling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
restaurants. In Australia, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
restaurants do not sell any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
from 4 to 6pm to school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a great example for the restriction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
consumption in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
.
Therefore
, all the various methods can
be sought
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
obesity.

In conclusion
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
prominent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
obesity which have had caused by several factors, the primary causes would be the
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
can
be solved
separately
by dealt at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
levels. The local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can impose the regulation to restrict the selling hours to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
restaurants, whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can provide the healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
at every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "cost"?
costs
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
obesity in the future.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
70Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries people are concerned about the number of children who are overweight. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 5

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
397 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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