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In many countries, more and more children are overweight. This can cause health problems as they get older. What are the causes of this problem and what can be done about it?

In many countries, more and more children are overweight. This can cause health problems as they get older. What are the causes of this problem and what can be done about it? kWgQ2
Nowadays, it is true that many youngsters in various states have been facing with the obesity that could negatively affect their well-being on their adulthood. This essay will discuss two of the reasons of this issue and propose measures which might address them. One main reason for the increasing number of overweight children is that the sweet products, which chemically made with high fructose corn syrup instead of natural sugars. Using this particular ingredient in their products, companies achive high profit margins whereas children might expose to the insulin spikes that increases the risk of being diabetic patients in their future life. To combat this problem, the governments can regulate the recipe of the products in the market, or might ban the harmful goods, if necessary. In addition, giving tax incentives for the companies that produces organic and healthy snacks or desserts could also help companies to create better alternatives for our future generation. As a result, children could still enjoy the sweets, without compromise their later life. Another obvious reason for the problem is reduced cardiovascular activity levels of children, comparing to the old times. This is mainly due to the technological advancements occured in our society, where children playing with smartphones or tablets is considered as something normal, rather than them playing hide and seek. I remember in my childhood, we used to play with each other for hours and hours, until our parents call us for the dinner. However, this issue can be mitigated by responsible parenthood. For example, they can play an active role in their childs life by encouraging them to playing in the sports team, or simply spending time with their younglings with biking or trekking, as a family activity. This might result as more healthy older generations, just like the previous times. In conclusion, the two significant reasons for weight problem in children today are their reduced activity levels and their food consumption that contain corn syrup. However, this problem can be minimised if government and parents take responsibility and play an active role in our young generations' lifes.
Nowadays, it is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters in various states have been facing with the obesity that could
negatively
affect their well-being on their adulthood.

This essay will discuss two of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
of this issue and propose measures which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
address them.

One main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for the increasing number of overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is that the sweet products, which
chemically
made with high fructose corn syrup
instead
of

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
natural
sugars. Using this particular ingredient in their products,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
Possible spelling mistake found.
achive
high profit margins whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
expose to the insulin spikes
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
that


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
increases
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of being diabetic patients in their future life. To combat this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can regulate the recipe of the products in the market,

or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
ban the harmful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
, if necessary.
In addition
, giving tax incentives for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
that produces organic and healthy snacks or desserts
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
could


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to create better alternatives for our future generation.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could
still
enjoy the sweets, without compromise their later life.

Another obvious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
cardiovascular activity levels of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, comparing to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
times. This is
mainly
due to the technological

advancements
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "occurred", the past tense form of the verb 'occur'?
occured
in our society, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
playing with smartphones or tablets
is considered
as something normal,
rather
than them playing
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
hide and seek
.

I remember in my childhood, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to play with each other for hours and hours, until our parents call us for the dinner.
However
, this issue can
be mitigated
by

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
responsible
parenthood.
For example
, they can play an active role in their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "children", the plural form of the noun 'child'?
childs
life by encouraging them to
Did you mean "play"?
playing
in the sports team, or
simply
spending time
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
with


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
younglings
with biking or trekking, as a family activity. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
result as more healthy older generations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like the previous times.

In conclusion
, the two significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for weight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
activity levels and their food consumption that contain corn syrup.

However
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimised' is British English.
minimised
if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and parents take responsibility and play an active role in our young generations'
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "lives", the plural form of the noun 'life'?
lifes
.
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IELTS essay In many countries, more and more children are overweight. This can cause health problems as they get older. What are the causes of this problem and what can be done about it?

Essay
  American English
13 paragraphs
346 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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