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In many countries good schools and medical facilities are only available for cities. To improve this situation some people think that all the new teachers and doctors should work in rural areas for few years while others believe that everyone should be free to choose where they work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In many countries good schools and medical facilities are only available for cities. To improve this situation some people think that all the new teachers and doctors should work in rural areas for few years while others believe that everyone should be free to choose where they work. M7oq
Currently, for many countries it is common situation that modern and developed institutions, such as educational and medical, are mostly offered to city citizens. In turn, it is evoking controversy among people. Some of them think that all of the graduated employees should have a job in the country for several years, while others are at odds and think individuals in this controversial case. From my point of view, instead of enforcing the government should assign salaries according to the condition of offices and below both views will be well-handled. First of all, employees working in countrysides with the enforcement might benefit to the whole population. Since, nowadays both health condition and educational degree of people are likely to vary according to the location. Thus, well-educated individuals number can be equalized in both urban and rural areas. In other words, the quality of services can be similar despite the location. In turn, after this step there might not be any need to attend cities to enjoy from better services for villager, who can save their precious time and money. On the other hand, there is no guarantee in that all masters work in countryside very well. Because, it is against the law of labors. For example, if individual is sent to village to work and she or he prefers to work in city, definitely, she or he can not satisfy from the job. And it would be waste of time and money for them. In city, there is high likelihood of employee to deepen the knowledge and feel free and good atmosphere. To the best of my knowledge, workers should be free when choosing a workplace. However, the government should create opportunities for people who are working in rural areas, such as higher pension and more bonuses both financial and recreational. To sum up, if employees are distributed to everywhere equally, all citizens can enjoy from better services, although workers can not feel job satisfaction. Thereby, governments should take above mentioned actions.
Currently
, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries it
Please check whether an article is missing: "is a common" or "is an common"
is common
situation that modern and developed institutions, such as educational and medical, are
mostly
offered to city citizens. In turn, it is evoking controversy among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
Consider using "all the".
all of the
graduated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
should have a job in the country for several years, while others are at odds and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
individuals in this controversial case. From my point of view,
instead
of enforcing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should assign salaries according to the condition of offices and below both views will be well-handled.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
working in countrysides with the enforcement might benefit to the whole population. Since, nowadays both health condition and educational degree of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are likely to vary according to the location.
Thus
, well-educated individuals number can
be equalized
in both urban and rural areas.
In other words
, the quality of services can be similar despite the location. In turn, after this step there might not be any need to attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
to enjoy from better services for villager, who can save their precious time and money.
On the other hand
, there is no guarantee in that all masters work in countryside
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
, it is against the law of labors.
For example
, if individual is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to village to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
work and
she or he prefers to work in city, definitely, she or he can not satisfy from the job. And it would be waste of time and money for them. In city, there is high likelihood of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
to deepen the knowledge and feel free and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
atmosphere. To the best of my knowledge, workers should be free when choosing a workplace.
However
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should create opportunities for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are working in rural areas, such as higher pension and more bonuses both financial and recreational. To sum up, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are distributed
to everywhere
equally
, all citizens can enjoy from better services, although workers can not feel job satisfaction. Thereby,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should take above mentioned actions.
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IELTS essay In many countries good schools and medical facilities are only available for cities. To improve this situation some people think that all the new teachers and doctors should work in rural areas for few years while others believe that everyone should be free to choose where they work.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
332 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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