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In many countries, average life expectancy has been increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and for society as a whole? Suggest some solutions. v.2

In many countries, average life expectancy has been increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and for society as a whole? Suggest some solutions. v. 2
Whether we like it or not, we have to admit that recent years have witnessed the increase in average life expectancy. To find remedies for this thorny issue, it is imperative to understand the adverse consequences of this phenomenon first. In my opinion, there are two adverse outcomes resulting from this thorny issue. To the best of my knowledge, the most prominent problem brought by this phenomenon would be that the retirement age might be delayed, which can exert a profound impact on everyone. The old are generally more experienced, which means young employees might have less opportunities of promotion. For instance, someone may work as a deputy director for decades until the director retires. However, he himself is about to retire few years later. consequently, not only do the company have to change directors frequently, but the employees could not have better career prospects. Another severe consequence would be that the government may fail to break even on the social welfare. As a result, the government may have to tax more to pay such a large bill. To resolve this worrying issue requires concerted efforts from relevant parties involved. On the part of individuals, it is of great importance to improve the working capacity and seize the opportunities to get a better position. Meanwhile, it is also significant for companies to establish a competitive mechanism that is friendlier to young employees. As far as the government is concerned, they can help solve this matter by offering sufficient social security so that the old can enjoy their retirement. In summary, the phenomenon is a serious matter which requires the joint efforts of individuals, social organizations and the government in order to address it.
Whether we like it or not, we
have to
admit that recent years have witnessed the increase in average life expectancy. To find remedies for this thorny issue, it is imperative to understand the adverse consequences of this phenomenon
first
.

In my opinion, there are two adverse outcomes resulting from this thorny issue. To the best of my knowledge, the most prominent problem brought by this phenomenon would be that the retirement age might
be delayed
, which can exert a profound impact on everyone. The
old
are
generally
more experienced, which means young employees might have
less
opportunities of promotion.
For instance
, someone may work as a deputy director for decades until the director retires.
However
, he himself is about to retire few years later.
consequently
, not
only
do the
company
have to
change
directors
frequently
,
but
the employees could not have better career prospects. Another severe consequence would be that the
government
may fail to break even on the social welfare.
As a result
, the
government
may
have to
tax more to pay such a large bill.

To resolve this worrying issue requires
concerted
efforts from relevant parties involved. On the part of individuals, it is of great importance to
improve
the working capacity and seize the opportunities to
get
a better position. Meanwhile, it is
also
significant for
companies
to establish a competitive mechanism
that is
friendlier to young employees. As far as the
government
is concerned
, they can
help
solve this matter by offering sufficient social security
so
that the
old
can enjoy their retirement.

In summary, the phenomenon is a serious matter which requires the joint efforts of individuals, social organizations and the
government
in order to address it.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, average life expectancy has been increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and for society as a whole? Suggest some solutions. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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