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in many countries around the world, life expectancy is increasing. discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this situation and give your own opinion

In the recent century, most people live longer, so average of age is increasing. There are some positives and negatives of this statement. In this essay I will explain them and give my own argument. One positive aspect of increasing life expectancy is that older people have more life experience than young people, so we can take advice from them. For instance, if we are going to set up new business or learn new skills, they can help us, because they have been in this situation or they have tried to do this when they were in our age, so that they know about easy ways or methods. In addition to this, when we have an important work or we must go to the work every day, they stay with our children and teach them at home. I think they can be a good teacher for our children, because they are not fairly busy, so they have a lot of free time. On the other hand, there are many disadvantages too. One obvious negative effect is that if they do not want to retire, younger people can not enter the job. This might be a cause of less job vacancy and a number of unemployment people increase. Another issue with longer life expectancy is that government should spend money for them. For example, after they have retired, they become pensioner, so they take pension. If life expectancy is continue to increase, this can be damage for economics. To sum up, the benefits of living longer outweigh the drawbacks, because if we live with older people we can be happy all the time and they have more life experience than us. I think it is more important that increase hope in the society. To sum up, the benefits of living longer outweigh the drawbacks, because if we live with older people we can be happy all the time and they have more life experience than us. I think it is more important that increase hope in the society.
In the recent century, most
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
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longer
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
average of age is increasing. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
positives and negatives of this statement. In this essay I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
them and give my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
argument.

One
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positive
aspect of increasing
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life
expectancy is that older
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people
have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
experience than young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we can take advice from them.
For instance
, if we are going to set up new business or learn new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have been in this
Use a comma before ‘or’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
situation or
they have tried to do this when they were in our age,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they know about easy ways or methods.
In addition
to this, when we have an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
Use a comma before ‘or’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
work or
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
go to the work every day, they stay with our children and teach them at home. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they can be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
teacher for our children,
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because
they are not
fairly
busy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
free time.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages too. One obvious
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect is that if they do not want to retire, younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can not enter the job. This might be a cause of less job vacancy and a number of unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
. Another issue with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should spend money for them.
For example
, after they have retired, they become pensioner,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they take pension. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy is
Consider using either the past participle “continued” or the present participle “continuing” here.
continue
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
, this can be damage for economics.

To sum up, the benefits of living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
outweigh the drawbacks,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
we can be happy all the
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
time and
they have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
experience than us. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
hope in the society. To sum up, the benefits of living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
outweigh the drawbacks,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
we can be happy all the
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
time and
they have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
experience than us. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
hope in the society.
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IELTS essay in many countries around the world, life expectancy is increasing. discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this situation and give your own opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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