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In many countries,an increase in life expactency means people work they get older to pay for their retirement. An alternative to work at a young age. Is this a positive or a negative development?

In many countries, an increase in life expactency means people work they get older to pay for their retirement. An alternative to work at a young age. Is this a positive or a negative development? OlVby
The growth in longevity of population that has an implication for self-covering pension has prolonged the working age of individuals. Meanwhile, an equivalent of this case is correlated with early involvement in a job which I contend that it will bring numerous benefits to not only workers, but also society. To begin with, being engaged in work over the threshold of retirement age induces substantial complications in particular respects. For instance, significant portion of labour force will constitute old-aged employees that may result in loss of productivity and exacerbate their health issues since they gradually lose mental and physical strength. Futhermore their wellness is highly bound to degrade as a consequence of working long periods. Moreover, unemployment rate among the young will spike dramatically due to the trend in employment age or majority of them will have to migrate to other countries with the pursuit of a job, unless the old staff are made redundant according to the conventional measurement. When it comes to early engagement in a career, this is such a prosperous perspective that can spawn myriad advantages in community. Firstly, the young people are productive and creative, who highly seem to create competitive atmosphere for the stable development of companies and workplaces. Secondly, their proportion in workforce enables older workers to spend time with their family, enjoy life or recuperate from work irritations. Thirdly, but not lastly although young employees are less-experienced, they have a great predisposition to make positive changes since they are digital natives and superiorly flexible. To conclude, even if life span heightens, the method of compensating for pension by making people work for more longer years than usual is counterproductive. In contrast, a viable alternative above mentioned in my view is more favourable.
The growth in longevity of population that has an implication for self-covering pension has prolonged the working age of individuals. Meanwhile, an equivalent of this case
is correlated
with early involvement in a job which I contend that it will bring numerous benefits to not
only
workers,
but
also
society. To
begin
with,
being engaged
in work over the threshold of retirement age induces substantial complications
in particular
respects.
For instance
, significant portion of
labour
force will constitute
old
-aged employees that may result in loss of productivity and exacerbate their health issues since they
gradually
lose mental and physical strength.
Futhermore
their wellness is
highly
bound to degrade as a consequence of working long periods.
Moreover
, unemployment rate among the young will spike
dramatically
due to the trend in employment age or
majority of
them will
have to
migrate to other countries with the pursuit of a job, unless the
old
staff
are made
redundant according to the conventional measurement.

When it
comes
to early engagement in a career, this is such a prosperous perspective that can spawn myriad advantages in community.
Firstly
, the young
people
are productive and creative, who
highly
seem to create competitive atmosphere for the stable development of
companies
and workplaces.
Secondly
, their proportion in workforce enables older workers to spend time with their family, enjoy life or recuperate from work irritations.
Thirdly
,
but
not
lastly
although young employees are less-experienced, they have a great predisposition to
make
positive
changes
since they are digital natives and
superiorly
flexible.

To conclude
, even if life span heightens, the method of compensating for pension by making
people
work for
more longer
years than usual is counterproductive.
In contrast
, a viable alternative above mentioned in my view is more
favourable
.
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IELTS essay In many countries, an increase in life expactency means people work they get older to pay for their retirement. An alternative to work at a young age. Is this a positive or a negative development?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
290 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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