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In many countries, an increase in crime has been blamed on violent images on televition and in computers and video games

It is believed in some countries that the violent scenes on TV, computer and video games are seen as a main factor for the development of crime. To the way of my thinking, it is absolutely true notion and following paragraphs are going to prove my mind relying on my own knowledge. To begin, the crime is increasing dramatically in some countries and several causes are being claimed for that issue. One of them is the violent images on television, vidoe games and so on. There is no doubt such kind of reasons are not invisible which can easily lead to crime. Because most children prefer spending their valuable time in front of TV and during a day they watch different programs which does not have enough limitations for images about violence. Moreover, youngsters' minds can be affected in an easy manner with bad scenes. Afterwards, according to psychologists' suggestions all kinds of visual information can change the social and mental behavior of a person and if so, why violent images do not effect the brain? In my mind, TV channels and video game makers should put limitations for badly affective visual information as many as possible which can prevent the crime. Because the fans of video games are not few and most of them are young people. To wrap up, I can clearly claim with no hesitation that violent images on TV or computer have got much influence on people's mind about crime. Especially, the young can be affected by this factor that some statements have clarified my opinion in previous paragraphs.
It
is believed
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
scenes on TV, computer and video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a main factor for the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. To the way of my thinking, it is
absolutely
true notion and following paragraphs are going to prove my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
relying on my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
knowledge.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is increasing
dramatically
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries and several causes are
being claimed
for that issue. One of them is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
images
on television,
Possible spelling mistake found.
vidoe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. There is no doubt such kind of reasons are not invisible which can
easily
lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
most children prefer spending their valuable time in front of TV and during a day they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
programs which does not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
limitations for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
images
about violence.
Moreover
, youngsters'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minds
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
Consider replacing "in an easy manner" with the adverb for "easy"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an easy manner
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
scenes.

Afterwards, according to psychologists' suggestions all kinds of visual information can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the social and mental behavior of a person and if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
images
do not
Did you mean "affect"?
effect
the brain? In my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
, TV channels and video game makers should put limitations for
badly
affective visual information as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
as possible which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
the fans of video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are not few and most of them are young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To wrap up, I can
clearly
claim with no hesitation that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
images
on TV or computer have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
much influence on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
Especially
, the young can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by this factor that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
statements have clarified my opinion in previous paragraphs.
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IELTS essay In many countries, an increase in crime has been blamed on violent images on televition and in computers and video games

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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