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In many countries, although people work hard throughout their life, they still do not have enough money to live comfortably in their retirement. Identify some causes of this retirement problem and suggest possible solutions

In many countries, although people work hard throughout their life, they still do not have enough money to live comfortably in their retirement. Identify some causes of this retirement problem and suggest possible solutions bbwJW
Some people believe that if you works as hard as you can, and you really sacrifice to be the best that you can be, you will still never have what it takes to make the big leagus. This problem has several causes, to solve this stereotype, we must find the reason for this opinion. First of all, we all used to think if you work hard then accordingly we will live in prosperity. facing people who reach the retirement age is the rising life expectancy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that if you
The pronoun 'you' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "work"
works
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
as you can, and you
really
sacrifice to be the best that you can be, you will
still
never have what it takes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
Possible spelling mistake found.
leagus
. This problem has several causes, to solve this stereotype, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
find the reason for this opinion.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, we all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
if you work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
then
accordingly
we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in prosperity.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
facing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who reach the retirement age is the rising life expectancy.

IELTS essay In many countries, although people work hard throughout their life, they still do not have enough money to live comfortably in their retirement. Identify some causes of this retirement problem and suggest possible solutions

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
85 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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