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Competitive sports play an important role in the school curriculum

Competitive sports play an important role in the school curriculum El1yL
It is of the opinion that games requiring competitive spirit for teams and individuals no longer play a crucial part in the educational program at school. Personally, I completely disagree with this viewpoint for a variety of reasons. The first reason is that playing competitive sports is an excellent method to improve both students’ mental and physical wellness. When pupils take up sports activities, they not only burn excess fat to help them maintain their healthy body and their good figure, but they also gain energy from those sports, which promotes them to broaden their minds and release their stress. According to expert evidence in health problems, for example, that a multitude of students participating in activities, which makes them perspire, all have refreshed feelings and complete peace of mind enables them to resolve issues and gain the knowledge more quickly and easily than ever. This indicates that playing sports has a positive effect on students’ development in learning process and itself affirms its role in the school curriculum. In addition, competitive sports teach schoolboys and schoolgirls about actual sportsmanship. Through these competing activities, students can learn that fair play is more important than victory and know how to compete with a nice competitive attitude. For instance, when a school organizes a sports competition among students on an occasion, the fact that pupils have to cooperate and find out about each other causes them to see that this is an opportunity for them to unwind and interact with one another rather than scramble for awards and rankings and to be more concerned about what skills they can gain throughout the competition like teamwork skills, analytical skills and leading skills. Hence, they will take part in the activity based on certain criteria such as happiness, fairness and wholeheartedness. All things considered, that physical activities have a substantial number of positive elements to each student leads to its incontrovertible importance in the core curriculum.
It is of the opinion that games requiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
spirit for teams and individuals no longer play a crucial part in the educational program at school.
Personally
, I completely disagree with this viewpoint for a variety of reasons.

The
first
reason is that playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is an excellent method to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
mental and physical wellness. When pupils take up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, they not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
burn excess
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them maintain their healthy body and their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
figure,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
gain energy from those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, which promotes them to broaden their minds and release their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. According to expert evidence in health problems,
for example
, that a multitude of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them perspire, all have refreshed feelings and complete peace of mind enables them to resolve issues and gain the knowledge more
quickly
and
easily
than ever. This indicates that playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
development in learning process and itself affirms its role in the school curriculum.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
teach schoolboys and schoolgirls about actual sportsmanship. Through these competing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can learn that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
play is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than victory and know how to compete with a nice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
attitude.
For instance
, when a school organizes a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
competition among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
on an occasion, the fact that pupils
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
cooperate and find out about each other causes them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that this is an opportunity for them to unwind and interact with one another
rather
than scramble for awards and rankings and to be more concerned about what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
they can gain throughout the competition like teamwork
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, analytical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and leading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
Hence
, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
based on certain criteria such as happiness, fairness and wholeheartedness.

All things considered, that physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
have a substantial number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
elements to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
leads to its incontrovertible importance in the core curriculum.
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IELTS essay Competitive sports play an important role in the school curriculum

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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