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Most young people leave school with a negative attitude toward learning. Why do you think this happening? What can be done to encourage then?

Most young people leave school with a negative attitude toward learning. Why do you think this happening? What can be done to encourage then? gYjBl
In contemporary era, numerous young people are leaving their school with an adverse opinion about learning. In my attitude, this problem initate with the beginnings of media. Moreover, the activity of a generation of youth are strongly impact on society. Obviously, I consider the issue still have a solution to resolve. A number of arguments surround my opinions. In technology age, media is a one of the most important parts in our life, thanks to it people can open their know-ledge and know a number of activities in outside. Nonetheless, I assume media have a plethora impact on young people especially their personally and their attitudes. Futhermore, with the profileation of the Internet, because of the information explosion, young people are difficulty to aware about true information. Therefore, a number of information about encourage student leave their school to work or learn in vocational. In a recent time, a information to be concernd with Alice who quit her school when she was 13 years old but she gain numerous achievement and become a one of the most rich people in her country is made headlines. Obviously, she have a unending preseverance, thanks to it she achieve success. Nonetheless, her success make a number of student have a wrong thoughts. On the other hand, the issue is not lately to resolve and have a number of solution. Firstly, the responsibility rests with the government, I consider they have to prevent and strictly manage network security to avoid false propaganda news and build-up positive attitudes with study by events or classes in school. Secondly, with individual, young people have to have a large scope and awereness about information on media. Consequently, the education issue in numerous countries is the departure of student in school have a number of effect on communication. Because of media, the false propaganda or unclearly news are made headlines to difficultly for student’s awereness. Nonetheless, with the responsible rest with the personal and goverment, they must to have the solution effectively and early to solve the problem.
In contemporary era, numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are leaving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
with an adverse opinion about learning. In my attitude, this problem
Possible spelling mistake found.
initate
with the beginnings of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
Moreover
, the activity of a generation of youth are
strongly
impact on society.
Obviously
, I consider the issue
still
have a solution to resolve. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of arguments surround my opinions.

In technology age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is a one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
parts in our life, thanks to it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can open their know-ledge and know a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of activities in outside. Nonetheless, I assume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
have a plethora impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
especially
their
personally
and their attitudes.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Futhermore
, with the
Possible spelling mistake found.
profileation
of the Internet,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
explosion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are difficulty to aware about true
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
Therefore
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to work or learn in vocational. In a recent time,
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
to be
Possible spelling mistake found.
concernd
with Alice who quit her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
when she was 13 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
she
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "gains", "gained".
gain
numerous achievement and become a one of
This adjective uses the short comparatives form.
the most rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in her country
is made
headlines.
Obviously
, she
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "has", "had".
have
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
unending
Possible spelling mistake found.
preseverance
, thanks to
Consider adding a comma here.
it
she
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "achieves", "achieved".
achieve
success. Nonetheless, her success
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "thought"?
thoughts
.

On the other hand
, the issue is not lately to resolve and have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of solution.
Firstly
, the responsibility rests with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, I consider they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
and
strictly
manage network security to avoid false propaganda news and build-up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
attitudes with study by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
or classes in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Secondly
, with individual,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
have a large scope and
Possible spelling mistake found.
awereness
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
on media.

Consequently
, the education issue in numerous countries is the departure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of effect on communication.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, the false propaganda or
unclearly
news
are made
headlines to
difficultly
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
Possible spelling mistake found.
awereness
. Nonetheless, with the responsible rest with the personal and
Possible spelling mistake found.
goverment
, they
After 'must', the verb is used without 'to'. Probably, you should use "must" or "have to" here.
must to
have the solution
effectively
and early to solve the problem.
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IELTS essay Most young people leave school with a negative attitude toward learning. Why do you think this happening? What can be done to encourage then?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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