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In many countries, a high proportion of criminal acts are commited by teenagers

In many countries, a high proportion of criminal acts are commited by teenagers dqky6
With regard to the causes, the high ratio in juvenile delinquency may stem from disadvantageous family backgrounds, poor schooling experience and negative impacts of social media. For starters, the first cause may result from deprivations of parents’ care, which makes children have negative behaviors such as: defiance, aggression or wrongful actions. Consequently, children are bored so they may make friends with criminals and gradually children will copy their behaviors. Moreover, young adults, who live in poverty and famine, may take part in unlawful acts such as: shoplifting or pickpocketing as a way of making a living. Secondly, at school, the educational system focuses on academic performance rather than skills for solving burning difficulties. In addition, with the partiality of teachers at school may cause inappropriate conducts among students. As a result, students may perpetrate criminal acts towards their teachers. Finally, social media or internet also play a big role in shaping teenagers’ crime. To exemplify, games with violence and cruelty photos lead many youngsters to commit an offence just because they find it interesting and cool to do so.
With regard to the causes, the high ratio in juvenile delinquency may stem from disadvantageous family backgrounds, poor schooling experience and
negative
impacts of social media. For starters, the
first
cause may result from deprivations of parents’ care, which
makes
children have
negative
behaviors such as: defiance, aggression or wrongful actions.
Consequently
, children
are bored
so
they may
make
friends with criminals and
gradually
children will copy their behaviors.
Moreover
, young adults, who
live
in poverty and famine, may
take part
in unlawful acts such as: shoplifting or
pickpocketing
as a way of making a living.
Secondly
, at school, the educational system focuses on academic performance
rather
than
skills
for solving burning difficulties.
In addition
, with the partiality of teachers at school may cause inappropriate conducts among students.
As a result
, students may perpetrate criminal acts towards their teachers.
Finally
, social media or internet
also
play a
big
role in shaping
teenagers
’ crime. To exemplify, games with violence and cruelty photos lead
many
youngsters to commit an
offence
just
because
they find it interesting and cool to do
so
.
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IELTS essay In many countries, a high proportion of criminal acts are commited by teenagers

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
179 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 6.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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Task Achievement: 5.0
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