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Some people believe that studying at university or colleges is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your an opinion. v.2

Some people believe that studying at university or colleges is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. v. 2
After graduation from high school, young people faced a serious dilemma to decide which choose to get a work or attend college. Both sides have many benefits, however, it depends on a person's ability and personality too. In my point of view, I strongly believe that post-secondary students should attend university to insure have a better place in the future. To begin with, for young people, they like the idea to start industry straight after school is attractive for many reasons. The first proposes is earring money to help them to become independent people, meaning that they can settle down earlier, afford a house, and have a family. On the other hand, there are reasons relate to having a good professional life that they seek to gain experience and struggle to get promotions in the performance. For example, many wealthy people around the world leave college and task in the market for seeking to gain experience. Some individuals seek to learn the business and personal skills that educational institutions do not teach to students. The main reasons are the best career opportunities have required academic qualifications which have earned a higher salary. For instance, the CEO operation requires a special academic qualification to employment for this place. The other reason is related to their ambition to gain more academic knowledge due to the business market is very competitive. In addition, many employees are the ambition to raise their stations at job and become a useful member of society. In conclusion, both points of view have many positive effects on person lifework, I strongly believe that complete higher education for students overweight the benefits of getting a task after school. In the future, it might be having practical and academic studies in the same progress.
After graduation from high school, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
faced a serious dilemma to decide which choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a work or attend college. Both sides have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits,
however
, it depends on a person's ability and personality too. In my point of view, I
strongly
believe that post-secondary students should attend university to insure have a better place in the future.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, they like the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
industry straight after school is attractive for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
. The
first
proposes is earring money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to become independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, meaning that they can settle down earlier, afford a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, and have a family.
On the other hand
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
relate to having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
professional life that they seek to gain experience and struggle to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
promotions in the performance.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
college and task in the market for seeking to gain experience.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals seek to learn the business and personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that educational institutions do not teach to students.

The main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
are the best career opportunities have required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
qualifications which have earned a higher salary.
For instance
, the CEO operation requires a special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
qualification to employment for this place. The other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is related
to their ambition to gain more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
knowledge due to the business market is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
competitive.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employees are the ambition to raise their stations at job and become a useful member of society.

In conclusion
, both points of view have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on person lifework, I
strongly
believe that complete higher education for students overweight the benefits of getting a task after school.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
the future, it might be having practical and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
studies in the same progress.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that studying at university or colleges is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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