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In life, enjoyment is very important to make ourselves happy.

In life, enjoyment is very important to make ourselves happy. OVE9E
In life, enjoyment is very important to make ourselves happy. Today there are many options available for enjoyment like to watch the movie, go for vacation, eat in the restaurant. I sure some people would believe that today people spend more time on personal enjoyment rather than doing things they should do, others would disagree. In my view, I firmly believe that people are doing things they should do for many reasons. To begin with, people are busy with their carrier. Young people are working hard to set in their lives. They are working long hours, they do overtime to get a better position in the company. For example, my brother started to work as a computer engineer as soon as he finished his graduation. Sometimes he works at the weekend to make his job finish, he stays late to finish the tight deadline of the project. Hardly, he gets time for enjoyment as he is busy to set his carrier. My grandfather also tells him that in his time they don't work like him, he says that they use to spend some time for enjoyment. He also mentions that today's life is so hectic that they won't get time for their enjoyment. This example taught me that today people are doing things which they suppose to do. Furthermore, people have to take care of their families. Both parents are working to pay bills. Life is so hectic to take care of kids with work. For instance, my husband and I work fulltime and we have a young child to take care of. Even though we both work fulltime we spend some time with kids. We play with her, teach her colors, numbers and take her to the park, museum to make her active. Before in my country, India women didn't work so she mostly takes care of the children so dad only has to concentrate on work. So responsibility would be divided and they had time for enjoyment. But today both parents have to work and take care of children. In this hectic life, people don't get enough time for their enjoyment as they busy with their families. This example taught me that today people are doing things which they should do. In sum, though some won't agree, people are engaged with their lives. Not only, they are busy to set their carrier, also they have a responsibility to take care of the family. I strongly believe that people are doing things which they suppose to do rather than spend time for personal enjoyment.
In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoyment
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ourselves happy.
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Today
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
options available for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoyment
like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the movie, go for vacation, eat in the restaurant. I sure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoyment
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
things they should do, others would disagree. In my view, I
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
things they should do for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
busy
with their carrier. Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to set in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. They are working long hours, they do overtime to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better position in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
For example
, my brother
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as a computer engineer as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as he finished his graduation.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
he works at the weekend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
his job finish, he stays late to finish the tight deadline of the project.
The adverb 'Hardly' is usually not used at the beginning of a sentence.
Hardly
, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoyment
as he is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
busy
to set his carrier. My grandfather
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
him that in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they don't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
like him, he says that they
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoyment
. He
also
mentions that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
hectic that they won't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoyment
. This example taught me that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
things which they suppose to do.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their families. Both parents are working to pay bills.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Life
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
hectic to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of kids with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
For instance
, my husband and I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
fulltime and
we have a young child to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of.
“Even though” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Even though
we both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
Possible spelling mistake found.
fulltime
we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with kids. We play with her, teach her colors, numbers and take her to the park, museum to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
her active.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
in my country, India women didn't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
she
mostly
takes
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care
of the children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
dad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
concentrate on
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work
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
responsibility would be
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
divided and
they had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoyment
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
both parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of children. In this hectic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoyment
as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
busy
with their families. This example taught me that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
things which they should do.

In sum, though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
won't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are engaged
with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
busy
to set their carrier,
also
they have a responsibility to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of the family. I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
things which they suppose to do
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoyment
.
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IELTS essay In life, enjoyment is very important to make ourselves happy.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
425 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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