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In general people are living longer now Which of the following do you think accounts for this phenomenon

In general people are living longer now Which of the following do you think accounts for this phenomenon n6eRK
All of the above mentioned parameters are liable for increasing the lifespan of humans. However, I find the improvements in the techonological sector to be the most compelling reason for enhancing our lifespan. I subscribe to my opinion based on the resons elucidated in the below paragraphs. Firstly, with the advent of technologies in medical field, we are able to diagnose the diseases at early stage. This provides us with the additional buffer time to treat the diseases and thereby increase the chances of patient's survival. For example, about 20 back, many diabetic patients used to loose their eyesights because it was very difficult to manually determine the defects in iris. However, with the emergence of advance eye scanners and machine learning algorithms it is now possible to determine the defects in iris or in retina. This early diagnosis buys extra time for the patient and enables us to treat the patient in much more efficient manner and prevent him / her from getting blind. Earlier such things were almost inexorable and therefore patient to suffer more. Thus, I posit that technological enhancements have played the most vital role in increasing our lifespan. Secondly, the major imrovements in the technological sector has made our communication seamless and efficient. Therefore, it possible to seek expert's advise from the erudites located across the globe. My dad's heart transplant surgery is the perfect example to explain my point. He had a major car accident and had severely damaged his heart. Doctors recommended heart transplant surgery. Intially I was very hesitant to opt for this surgery. However, after consulting with some of the world's renowned doctors, I was assured that this surgery is now quite safe. Based on their opinion, I mustered the courage and gave the doctors green signal to proceed with heart transplant surgery. As a result, doctors were succesfully to transplant heart and my is alive today leading a healthy lifestyle. without technology I wouldn't have been able to take such a risky decision and therefore I feel that technological improvements have contributed the most in enhancing the lifespans. Lastly, technological improvements have made surgical operations more safer. For example, earlier doctors used to perform cataract surgery manully. This was quite risky as single mistake made by the doctor would cost patient's eyesight. But now these manual operations are replaced by automatic laser operations. This operations are much more safer and quick as compared to manual surgeries. Thus, I would like to bolester technological improvements as the major reason behind increasing human's lifespan. Since, the technological improvements had resulted in better diagnosis, efficient communication and safer sugeries possible, I contend that technological improvents have played the most vital role in increasing our lifespan.
Consider using "all the".
All of the
above mentioned parameters are liable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
the lifespan of humans.
However
, I find the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improvements
in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
techonological
sector to be the most compelling reason for enhancing our lifespan. I subscribe to my opinion based on the
Possible spelling mistake found.
resons
elucidated in the below paragraphs.

Firstly
, with the advent of technologies in medical field, we are able to diagnose the diseases at early stage. This provides us with the additional buffer time to treat the diseases and thereby increase the chances of patient's survival.
For example
, about 20 back,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diabetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
Did you mean "lose" (= miss, waste, suffer the loss etc.)?
loose
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
eyesights
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to
manually
determine the defects in iris.
However
, with the emergence of advance eye scanners and machine learning algorithms it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
possible to determine the defects in iris or in retina. This early diagnosis
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buys
extra time for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patient
and enables us to treat the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patient
in much more efficient manner and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
him / her from getting blind. Earlier such things were almost inexorable and
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patient
to suffer more.
Thus
, I posit that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
enhancements have played the most vital role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
our lifespan.

Secondly
, the major
Possible spelling mistake found.
imrovements
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
sector has made our communication seamless and efficient.
Therefore
,
It seems that a verb is missing after "it". Please verify.
it
possible to seek
Consider using the plural form here: "experts".
expert's
advise from the
Possible spelling mistake found.
erudites
located across the globe. My dad's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transplant
surgery is the perfect example to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my point. He had a major car accident and had
severely
damaged his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heart
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Doctors
recommended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transplant
surgery.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Intially
I was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
hesitant to opt for this surgery.
However
, after consulting with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of the world's renowned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
, I
was assured
that this surgery is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
quite safe. Based on their opinion, I mustered the courage and gave the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
green signal to proceed with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transplant
surgery.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
were
Possible spelling mistake found.
succesfully
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transplant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heart
and my is alive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
leading a healthy lifestyle.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
without
The comma is probably missing here: "technology, I".
technology I
wouldn't have been able to take such a risky decision and
therefore
I feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improvements
have contributed the most in enhancing the lifespans.

Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improvements
have made surgical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
operations
Use only "safer" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more safer
.
For example
, earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to perform cataract surgery
Possible spelling mistake found.
manully
. This was quite risky as single mistake made by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
would cost patient's eyesight.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
these manual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
operations
are replaced
by automatic laser
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
operations
.
Did you mean "these"?
This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
operations
are much
Use only "safer" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more safer
and quick as compared to manual surgeries.
Thus
, I would like to
Possible spelling mistake found.
bolester
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improvements
as the major reason behind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
human's lifespan.

Since, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improvements
had resulted in better diagnosis, efficient communication and safer
Possible spelling mistake found.
sugeries
possible, I contend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
Possible spelling mistake found.
improvents
have played the most vital role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
our lifespan.
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IELTS essay In general people are living longer now Which of the following do you think accounts for this phenomenon

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
452 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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