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It's difficult to maintenance the balance between work and other aspects of life such as family and leisure time, what is your opinion to keep it balanced.

It's difficult to maintenance the balance between work and other aspects of life such as family and leisure time, what is your opinion to keep it balanced. yXgP3
Nowadays people are spending more time at work than with family or doing any other activities. This is because there has been an increasingly high demand of duties and there is no time left to accomplish such tasks. People even have to take some remaining works to their houses to finish due to the deadlines. Therefore, there is no time to be spent with family. A good way to maintain the balance would be to schedule oneself. For example, the time supposed to spend working is the time to spend only for work nothing else. If one did not have time to finish the tasks at work, he/she should leave those taks for the following day. It does not matter about the week accomplishments. We all need time for family and relaxation. Thus, if we do not have time for those, we are probably not going to be able to work efficiently and to have a good life as well. Moreover, another way to keep the balance would be not wanting to make much money. Doing it requires hard and many works. Because the more money one wants the more work he will have to do. Finally, we have to tear apart work time and family and leisure time.
Nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
than with family or doing any other activities. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there has been an
increasingly
high demand of duties and there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
to accomplish such tasks.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
remaining works to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
to finish due to the deadlines.
Therefore
, there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
be spent
with family.

A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to maintain the balance would be to schedule oneself.
For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
supposed to spend working is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
nothing else. If one did not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to finish the tasks at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, he/she should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
those
Possible spelling mistake found.
taks
for the following day. It does not matter about the week accomplishments. We all need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for family and relaxation.
Thus
, if we do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for those, we are
probably
not going to be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
efficiently
and to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
life
as well
.

Moreover
, another way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the balance would
The verb 'wanting' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
be not wanting
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
much money. Doing it requires
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
works.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
the more money one wants the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
he will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do.

Finally
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
tear apart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and family and leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
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IELTS essay It's difficult to maintenance the balance between work and other aspects of life such as family and leisure time, what is your opinion to keep it balanced.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
209 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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