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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement Attending a live performance is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television

Attending a live performance is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television 5623n
As humans there some aspect of us that needs to be given attention. Like in the case of our social life, we need some level of entertainment to help us easy out some level of tension in other to makes feel relaxed and refreshed. The prompt avert that being present at live performance is more interesting than watching the same event on television. I most likely agree to the above statement because of three reasons. First of all live performance gives room of representing the true character of the actors who perform on stage. For instance, I was privileged to attend a live performance show in my locality, I had an opinion about my favorite actor as one who was arrogant. But, on getting to the arena for the event, I noticed that I actually had a wrong impression about my favorite actor being that seein him perform on stage live has real and in a natural state that you admire his personality so easily. I must confess that since then, my conception about my favorite actor changed that day. I went home fulfilled and entertained because of my new discovery about my actor. This was achieved as result of having act live on stage. Secondly, some events shown on television be revisited in other to enjoy particular scene. For example, I love the movie lord of the ring, and usually there is a particular scene that interest more the action that took place in the place of the king. Each time I recall that particular scene it reminds of past kings how objective and relational they were to us their subjects. This makes me entertained and at the same time make my day, But I think if it were to be something acted on stage I would not have been able to visit that interesting scene that reminds of my king. With this in mind it becomes something of interest to watch some actions on television because, I always go back to it and get entertained. But, on the other hand, it is not the case for live performance. Thirdly, both live performance and actions presented on the television are important. This because I feel as humans what might be conducive for me may not be same to others. Giving the above description, one can actually choose which is more entertaining and enjoyable. To conclude, I mostly likely agree to the above statement because of the reasons giving above since it could be either ways because there are time I feel interested about live performance, and there are also time that I feel watching series on television is more productive and entertaining.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
humans there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aspect of us that needs to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
attention. Like in the case of our social life, we need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
level of entertainment to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us easy out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
level of tension in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
relaxed and refreshed. The prompt avert that being present at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
is more interesting than watching the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. I most likely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
above
statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of three reasons.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
gives room of representing the true character of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
actors
who perform on stage.
For instance
, I
was privileged
to attend a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
in my locality, I had an opinion about my favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
actor
as one who was arrogant.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, on getting to the arena for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
, I noticed that I actually had a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
impression about my favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
actor
being that
Possible spelling mistake found.
seein
him perform on stage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
has real and in a natural state that you admire his personality
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
easily
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
confess that since then, my conception about my favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
actor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
that day. I went home fulfilled and entertained
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of my new discovery about my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
actor
. This
was achieved
as result of having act
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
on stage.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
shown on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
be revisited
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
to enjoy particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scene
.
For example
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
the movie lord of the ring, and
usually
there is a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scene
that interest more the action that took place in the place of the king. Each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
I recall that particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scene
it reminds of past kings how objective and relational they were to us their subjects. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
me entertained and at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
my day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
if it were to be something acted on stage I would not have been able to visit that interesting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scene
that reminds of my king. With this in mind it becomes something of interest to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
actions on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, I always go back to it and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
entertained.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it is not the case for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
performance.

Thirdly
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
and actions presented on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
as humans what might be conducive for me may not be same to others. Giving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
above
description, one can actually choose which is more entertaining and enjoyable.

To conclude
, I
mostly
likely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
above
statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the reasons giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
above
since it could be either ways
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
interested about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
, and there are
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
watching series on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is more productive and entertaining.
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IELTS essay Attending a live performance is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
443 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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