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In conclusion, with the help of each other and the government, we can build a better society and support each other, and we will not have a shortage of people for essential jobs, and everyone will work in the field where they have that talent.

In conclusion, with the help of each other and the government, we can build a better society and support each other, and we will not have a shortage of people for essential jobs, and everyone will work in the field where they have that talent. 55XmB
In today's society, many cities and countries face with shortage of people in essential jobs. Most workers either do not have the ability to do the job or do not know the knowledge of that work. This makes more jobs and people get dissatisfied. First of all, medical jobs are the most important jobs all around the world. When someone who does not have the experience and knowledge of medical can cause the death of thousands of people. Also a miner, a person who is not suitable for this job will causes huge damages. Then Our society needs engineers to build buildings or skyscrapers, and if the right person does not do this, it will ruin the homes of thousands of people. So there are many workers, but few of them really benefit of those jobs because they have the necessary skills. However, it is difficult to find them because people in today's society go to jobs that are not suitable for them and one of the reasons is the strictness of their families that makes the child choose something that they does not like or does not have the needed talented. However, this problem can be solved. Firstly, the families should take their children's interests seriously and support them so the new jobs can be created. Secondly, the government must invest in more jobs to attract people to those jobs and discover new talented. And allow students to choose a job before working and try it once and choose the job if they are interested. In conclusion, with the help of each other and the government, we can build a better society and support each other, and we will not have a shortage of people for essential jobs, and everyone will work in the field where they have that talent.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cities and countries face with shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. Most workers either do not have the ability to do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
or do not know the knowledge of that work. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
dissatisfied.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
all around the world. When someone who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
does
not have the experience and knowledge of medical can cause the death of thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
a miner, a person who is not suitable for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "cause"
causes
huge damages. Then Our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
needs engineers to build buildings or skyscrapers, and if the right person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
does
not do this, it will ruin the homes of thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
workers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
few of them
really
benefit of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have the necessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
However
, it is difficult to find them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
that are not suitable for them and one of the reasons is the strictness of their families that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the child choose something that they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "do"
does
not like or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
does
not have the needed talented.

However
, this problem can
be solved
.
Firstly
, the families should take their children's interests
seriously
and support them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
can
be created
.
Secondly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
invest in more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
to attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and discover new talented. And
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
students to choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
working and try it once and choose the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
if they
are interested
.

In conclusion
, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of each other and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, we can build a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and support each other, and we will not have a shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, and everyone will work in the field where they have that talent.
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IELTS essay In conclusion, with the help of each other and the government, we can build a better society and support each other, and we will not have a shortage of people for essential jobs, and everyone will work in the field where they have that talent.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
301 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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