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In certain countries, it is prefer that students should take from studies after completed high school and they are encouraged to work or to travel.

In certain countries, it is prefer that students should take from studies after completed high school and they are encouraged to work or to travel. ENyB3
Some young generations choose travel abroad because they want have a rest. This advantage make friends, see world and fascinating times. I think young teenagers travel the world between finishing school and starting university. Some of the possible advantages of encouraging to learn about different cultures, people and to see new places. I think they have a lot of time in this period. They can to work in their personal life. Some young generations choose saving money by in some part time jobs and they pay their life expenses when they start college. If they work in advance, they can pay the costs without worrying. And they to focus only their studies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
young generations choose travel abroad
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
Probably a preposition is missing after 'want'.
want have
a rest. This advantage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
world and fascinating times. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
travel the world between finishing school and starting university.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
possible advantages of encouraging
Did you mean "learning"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'encourage' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to learn
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
new places. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time in this period. They can to work in their personal life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
young generations choose saving money by in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
jobs and
they pay their life expenses when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
college. If they work in advance, they can pay the costs without worrying. And they to focus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their studies.

IELTS essay In certain countries, it is prefer that students should take from studies after completed high school and they are encouraged to work or to travel.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
112 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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