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In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family?

In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? PBRJ
In British, Elderly people often reside with the same age group in retirement homes where doctors and nurses take care of them. Most of the time, the government has to spend money on their living. From my perspective, the government can provide them more help than the family. I shall explain my point of view in the following paragraphs. First of all, The economical conditions of many families are not so good. They can not give them the proper care that they actually need in this stage of life. For instance, In India, 45% population is living under the poverty line and that is the reason there are so many old age homes in this country. Moreover, in this new era of life, youngsters do not feel comfortable living with their grandparents. They feel them burden on them because the new generation does not want to follow the traditions that their grandparents insist them to keep in this modern world. Furthermore, In old age homes, the government can provide the necessary facilities like medicines, food, shelter and so on. Government has that much funds which will be spent on the good living of old people. Besides this, the government can organize clubs for donations, events to educate them. In conclusion, I believe that only the higher authorities can assist them in an effective manner as compared to families.
In British, Elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
reside with the same age group in retirement homes where doctors and nurses take care of them. Most of the time, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
spend money on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
. From my perspective, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can provide them more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
than the family. I shall
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my point of view in the following paragraphs.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, The
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
conditions of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
. They can not give them the proper care that they actually need in this stage of life.
For instance
, In India, 45% population is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
under the poverty line and
that is
the reason there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age homes in this country.
Moreover
, in this new era of life, youngsters do not feel comfortable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with their grandparents. They feel them burden on them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the new generation does not want to follow the traditions that their grandparents insist them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in this modern world.
Furthermore
, In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age homes, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can provide the necessary facilities like medicines, food, shelter and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
has that
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
funds which will
be spent
on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Besides
this, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can organize clubs for donations,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
to educate them.
In conclusion
, I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the higher authorities can assist them
Consider replacing "in an effective manner" with the adverb for "effective"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an effective manner
as compared to families.
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IELTS essay In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
228 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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